In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song i'm listening to:"When i'm gone"-3 Doors Down

What i'm drinking: Nothing

Thinking about: a lot.

Hey aLL! YESH this is actually a REAL entry..not some kind of stupid dumb ass quiz like I usually put on here.I finally have some things to write about..things that have been settling in the back of my head but i've been too afraid to say or just don't feel like facing.

Well i'll start off with the events of today.Fairly good day.Got to see a fashion show..got out of my econ class so hey i'm not complaining.Had a nice talk with a friend of mine..got asked to audition for a modeling agency.Got complimented..you know stuff such as that.But today I feel different.I'm like having some sort of out of body experience or something.Who the heck am I? What is real anymore? You know..basic questions everyone asks themselves at one point or another.I was talking to Nate and my mom came over to me..really looked at me.. and said are you ok? I said yeah but i didn't know how to explain it to her so i felt it was easier left like that.And i know she really cares about me and I can see the hurt in her eyes as she knew that I didn't want to tell her.She thought Nate had pissed me off.But no,that was not the case.

You know what's weird? You don't see how special the person you are with truly is until people talk about that person and what a special person they are.I am starting to realize that I have something..someone that most girls if not all would DIE for..just to be with.And i am the lucky person that he wanted to be with.ME..average,normal,regular Stacey.Why me? Good things just don't come naturally to me and they never have so I don't understand and don't believe i'll ever fully phathom how such an incredible person who has all the right things to say and who has everything going for him and can contribute so much to this world would like someone like me.Yes,my insecurities are showing.Girls would KILL to be in my position.I am with one of the most romantic,sweet,intelligent guys in this world and not a day goes by that I don't see that and thank god that I have him.It's a true blessing to stumble on someone that magnificant.What did I do? That's what i'm wondering,you know.

Another girl is in love with him..this girl is his ex girlfriend.Am i threatened by her? Extremely.I can see how she can still love him..she lost someone great and i am sure she just wants to kick herself in the butt for what she did.She let the most amazing person slip from her hands and out of her grasp.And now she wants him back.I feel for her..in a SMALL way.I was also that girl..that girl that was hopelessly in love with my ex boyfriend and literally HATED the new girl he had fallen in love with.It's so difficult to see someone you love,in love with someone else..it's hard..because it's not you anymore.YOU have been replaced.She's in love with you Nate..whether or not you are in denial or want to be or how much you lie to yourself,you see what I see.You're no fool.I'm afraid..that I'll lose you.And i will do whatever it takes to make sure that you want to be with me and that i'm the right one for you.Maybe not to her but to someone else.Someone that will love you more than me or something.Someone that is better than me.I love you with my whole heart and i still have a few doubts,but someday,i'd like to be with you forever.

I can see myself with you forever.As much as Rhi would like to make things better with you and says she loves you..I know I have more to offer..i know that i can give you more than she ever can.But it kills me that someone else loves you besides me..even if she wasn't your ex girlfriend,it would kill me inside.I hate competition.And I feel like this is some sort of competition.And with the whole therapy thing..it's just making her see how great you are and missing what she lost and loving you more.I HATE THIS.I seriously do.I wish she would go on a spaceship and LEAVE earth.

She is an obstacle..just getting in the way.She may be a better writer than me and may have a whole lot better things to say but that's only because there's so much about you that can't be described or said with simple,mundane words.I love you..that's all I know.That's the one thing i'm NOT confused about.No matter how good she makes things seem and how much you feel a need to help her..just don't leave me.I live for you..and don't know what the hell I'd do without you.So that's what I wanted to say..Oh and i forgot to mention,i got your yahoo greeting in my e-mail today..lol..finally huh? What a great computer I have..*being sarcastic.* And..Caroline AND Zac..I will read your diaries soon.Sweetie..don't forget to talk to your mom.I want to see you soo bad.Alright that's it..Good night..i've said enough.

Stace

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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