In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Well i am saving this so i can write in the morning what i was going to write before...

Well it's now the morning..and I am now not sure if I should write in here..my thinking processes feel all messed up because of what happened to me last night..something i'll probably never forget..boy what a way to end a year right? ha.It doesn't even FEEL like a New Year..it doesn't feel like the year should be over yet for some reason..like a lot is just left there..hanging or something.Anyway alright I guess I WILL write at least some of what I meant to write yesterday..Woo hoo another year has passed and gone by at an alarming speed and a new one is yet to begin.Ugh and it also seems like each day I cry a little more than the last.Why don't things EVER go right for me? Grr.Wow I guess I am more emotional than I thought.

Well first off I will start with yesterday..me and my sweetie talked about the future.Something I used to just DREAD talking about and hearing about.Now it's all I think about.I used to think that way about the New Year too..like blah it's just another year,a new chapter in my life..I don't feel this way about 2003..I can't wait for 2003 and all the surprises and things in store for me.For someone who used to dwell on the past,is now looking toward the future and embracing it with open arms..wow that's quite a difference.I think a lot has changed in me this year..I never thought I was daring.. I guess I am..never thought I would try something new or take a risk..both of which I'm willing to do now..and I feel like I've gotten smarter too.I think it's stupid to stick to what's familiar..you never learn and grow that way..you just get stuck,I don't want to be stuck..I want my life to be a life worth living..a life I am proud to live..call me a dreamer..but I want a better life for myself..yesh it's just dreams now,some day soon,it'll be a reality.I'm anxious and excited to see what this year will bring.If I had to sum up 2002..was that it was an OK year..i didn't think anything special would happen.It had its low lights and highlights..mainly I lost a lot of friends this year..but I also gained a few.That's life..people leave your life..people come into your life..and some..stay.

The beginning of the year started off with me meeting Robert..scum bag.But he taught me a lot along the way..I found out from him what type of guy is not for me..and the mistakes I made with him,I hope to not make again with Nate.What else..not much of significance..until September when my life changed..Nate came into my life. :) For that,2002 will always be a year I look back on and smile.NEXT year is thee year..I will be graduating in June..woo hoo! Nate is coming in April..and when he's here we will be figuring out my ring size..I will be going to AZ in September to meet his family and spend my 18th birthday with him..yesh i'll be LEGAL..woo hoo!! Which makes a difference in more ways than one..and as I just found out yesterday,I will be going to AZ in December for a few weeks,my mom will also be coming,and at that time me and my sweetie will be engaged. :)

Then in January of 04..I'll be moving out of here and with Nate somewhere..where we will go to College together..LOTS to look forward to in 03 and 04.THIS though is the year I found the person that I want to and am meant to be with my whole life..soo for that..2002 was not so bad.A lot of changes in my family will be occuring next year too.My mom is going to be successful in her business and will prolly leave dad and get a divorce and be set to be out on her own..I think a lot will change with romance..there is a certain someone she wants to be with..and hopefully,she'll make it happen.

God I can't wait for this year to come to a close,and for a new one to begin.When that clock reads midnight I will be soo happy..too bad I can't have that kiss with Nate.. :[ Oh well..if I am home we will be talking on the phone anyway and it's like our way of spending the new year on the right foot,and in the right way..together and I will just have to imagine us kissing each other..until next year when we can finally have the real thing..hehe.And sweetie I can relate to your entry about the gangs and shtuff..considering I am from Brooklyn New York..one of the roughest,and toughest places to live in New York..I know..I lived what like 5 minutes away from the projects..I remember in Junior High I was afraid to go to school because at the High School across the street gangs would hang out..there was even a certain color you couldn't wear..I remember NO ONE would wear that color..I was FRIGHTENED..hell I lived everyday in fear of what might happen..in fear that me or my friends would get killed.There were shootings in the high school across the street..and what scares me is if I was still living in Brooklyn,I would be going to that high school.I remember once we got let out early because of a shooting..it was a DANGEROUS place to live and to grow up in..you ALWAYS had to watch your back.

I can't wait to start a new life with you Nate..and be your wife.i can't wait to get out of here..can't wait for a lot of shtuff.Oh I can't wait to get your letter and picture too..so I can tell you finally,what I think of you.Though you already know that..I wuv you hehe with all of my heart and every ounce of my being..My heart beats for you..you are my world..you are my purpose in this insane world..my meaning to living..my match..my bestestestestestestestest friend..lover..soulmate..aragorn..dawsonmy strength..my hope..my faith..my everything.MUAH!! =D My world is really empty without you babe.

Anyway as I told Nate..I went to Target yesterday and I FINALLY bought The Beatle's CD..the #1's yesterday..their's 27 number 1 songs but I was kinda disappointed cos I wish a few of the songs I like from them would be on there..'Revolution'..'I get by with a little help from my friends'..'And I love her'..'In my life'..oh well..guess they weren't number 1 songs.Can't get everything you want right?! Though..'Something'..'Let it be'..'Yesterday'..'The ballad of John and Yoko'..'Day tripper'..'We can work it out'..'All you need is love'..'Hello,goodbye'..'Hey Jude'..etc are good songs.

Oh speaking of going out..me and dad are going out sometime this afternoon to buy some birthday shtuff for mom..though after what happened yesterday,I don't think she even deserves one..oh well.My dad is hilarious cos every year i'll be sitting in a room or something and he'll whisper 'We have to get a present for mom..when do you want to go?..blah blah'..lol. He did it this year too..he's soo predictable.Which..I must confess..I might actually miss when he and I will no longer be around.He actually just came upstairs and told me a time we can go..which will prolly be around 12:30 so I besta get ready.Her birthday is on Sunday..the 5th..she will be a half century old..god that makes her sound OLD don't it? lol She says to not make a big deal out of it..not to get her anything..but ha I ALWAYS make a big deal out of birthdays..telling me not to make a big deal out of a birthday is like telling me not to breathe..lol.Blah and then school is that Monday.. :[..too soon..oh and I saw the spitter the other day like I told Nate.

I soo am not in the mood to go to my aunt's tonight.I saw her the other day..didn't really say much to her.What's funny is my uncle..who married into the family and is not even a blood relative..was nicer to me than she was.My family is messed up though..oh my cousin is FINALLY moving out of my aunt's house!! Yesterday or the other day she found an apartment with her boyfriend about a half an hour away from here..just a starter thing..and yesh she is back with him..he's such a loser and a fat alcoholic asshole.Oh scratch that..she just came over and said that he TOTALLY screwed her over and is not even going to pay her car payments.. :( so now she is really really stuck..I feel sooo bad for her,I really do.Basically she left him so for now,it looks like she's on her own.She wished us a happy new year..and asked why we don't come over anymore..oh well..lol she will probably hang out with one of her guy friends tonight..who she likes so that's good.BUT,I am happy because I have found love and I am with the greatest,most amazing person ever.My family though,especially the women..have HORRIBLE luck in love and in romance.I am changing that around and mom is trying to also.Oh I forgot to tell the story about how my cousin's boyfriend pissed my mom off..UPDATE: I am staying home tonight.

Well at the family dinner I was telling you about..the one I didn't attend lol this is what mom told me..Basically she needed someone to fix this thing for the shower..the shower head or whatever..and my cuz's boyfriend is pretty handy..so of course..my mom being who she is..she has trouble and never OUTRIGHT asks for what she wants..she just kinda hints around..she said..mainly this was directed at him..'Does anyone know how to fix the shower head?' So then she looked in his direction and he said 'Well it's easy to put it on..you just screw it on and blah blah.' So my mom said 'I guess I am a moron because I can't figure it out'..his response...'I GUESS SO.' Oh my..I think she set herself up for that one but still..THAT is NOT the type of response she was looking for.So then my aunt said 'I guess I must be a moron too because I don't know how to put it on.'..so you know what the jerk did..HE LAUGHED!! God what a creep..my cousin can do A LOT better.And to make matters worse..he never even came over here! My uncle had to do it.And she gave him an ultimatum and said either..smoking and alcohol or me..gee that's no contest for an alcoholic..it will ALWAYS be the alcohol they choose.So now she has to get a job because she literally has no money in the bank..in fact,she needs 2 jobs..basically he promised her he'd take care of her financially and then turned his back so because she was too trusting, she got screwed over..and to make things worse for her,the last $100 she had..she spent that to go see him.:( Even though she's very messed up,I can't help but to feel sorry for her.I gave her a hug before she left..I felt like she really needed one.

Oh and my other uncle..the one that is already in the family..found a house in Vegas with my aunt..they are also losers..they will prolly gamble all their money away and will be left homeless within like a week..if not shorter.They are making a lot of dough off the house in New York but like I said,they will lose it FAST in Vegas..little do they know I won't be living too far from them..in Colorado..lol..I don't have the best family,as you can plainly see..oh well.Blah! I went on Yahoo last night only cos I haven't in months..and I see a few offline messages..people wanting to know if they can add me to their lists and if we can be friends and such..doh..it was back in NOVEMBER..lol Of course I felt bad.I guess I need to use Yahoo more often.

Anyway,I am in the middle I think or somewhere there of watching Now and Then..MY FAVORITE MOVIE EVER! Woo..it reminds me A LOT of me and my friends when we were their age.Friends I wonder sometimes about where they are now.I guess I should have kept in touch with them after I moved..oh well..should have,could have right..no regrets,no turning back right?!.. and Sweetie..I did read what you wrote before I had to leave very abruptly..I would do that too..every new year.. wish for the one to come in my life..and now..my wishes have come true..I have found the one for me.. :) So anyway..I have to go..I am reallllly hungry..I was going to put up some quizzes I did yesterday..maybe I'll do that later.I hope ya'll liked the compatiblity shtuff and sweetie.. just remember I love you..and that will never change.Talk to you all later..so whatever you do today,look back on 2002 and resolve to make 2003 a better year for yourself! Oh that's another thing..I used to make New Year's resolutions and they would NEVER stick..i'd never keep em..i'd be back to my old self within like a week..this year they WILL stick..i'm determined.What are they you ask? Just to be a better Stacey..you know. :) To accomplish shtuff and to be happy to be me..to accept myself and get rid of some of the issues I have.So ring in 2003 in style..have fun..and be safe! PARTAY!!! lol bye!! *waves* And instead of this being an Ordinary World like Duran Duran says..make this an EXTRAORDINARY WORLD! hehe ok that sounded corny..i'm gone! peace! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

Love,

Stace

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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