In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Waiting for my Rucca by Sublime

Hello readers. Good morning. : ) I want to start this off by telling you guys part of a weird dream I had last night. Basically, I dreamt that I had my hair cut, except it was a different color, and yeah..REALLY short and I started freaking out, but then it came back to the way it is now. And then I was drinking coffee somewhere..then I was back at my house and some girl was crying and I was comforting her..actually, a girl in my math class and my mom was in the shower and all these people were over..and then someone was at the door when I looked out the window..and it was Nate, I looked at him, and he looked back at me : ), but for some reason, there was someone with him..and then I remember screaming happily to my mom that he's here, but I didn't open the door because she got out of the shower, and she opened it, and that was it..and I woke up..it was so ODD. Can anyone shed light on THAT?! lol.

So, anyway..my day yesterday..eh. Had it's good and bad points. I saw my friend Carmen and practically yelled at her for telling me to go to that Madame Butterfly place. Then I told her about my dress, and she looked SO jealous..lol. (By the way..she is one of the people I am going to prom with.) We all found out one other person is thinking of sharing the limo with us, which would be kick ass..because that would even be LESS money we'd have to split. But, we'll see.

They were having some kind of carnival at my school yesterday, with a local band playing..it was really strange, and there was all kinds of shtuff..like games, and cotton candy and lots of food..that you had to pay for of course. All kinds of chaos and shit.

Classes were as they usually are..I don't know. Nothing too special. I started to write a poem first period, but for some reason, no words came out. I think I am going through what every writer goes through..Writer's Block. The dreaded Writer's Block..ugh.

I found out I get my cap and gown on May 15..and guess what my last day is?! May 16!! That's less than a MONTH!!! Wow, I can't believe it's almost over. My days in a public school are pretty much numbered. It's absolutely crazy. When it all ends, I wonder how I will feel..nostalgic, looking back on all the times me and my friend shared, sad..because I will miss maybe a FEW things, happy because I will be leaving that damn blasted place and onto the next phase of my life, or scared because I will be thrust into the real world and have to grow up? I don't know now, but I will. So, we pretty much get two weeks before graduation, but we have to go to the graduation rehearsal, or we don't walk at graduation.

I just thought..Dawsons Creek will be over at the time I leave school..I wonder what the significance of that is? Only three new episodes! Yeah, I think it's three..I am sad to see it go, that I know for sure. Last night's episode..was so what I had NOT expected. That's how you know a show is good, when they deviate off their natural course, and throw you a curveball. The whole Pacey/ and his boss knocking each other out and all that..I didn't think it would happen, along with him having sex with that girl. But, he really took a licking just so he could get Dawson's money back that he lost. And at the end, he had to go face the music. I felt bad for him. Jack and David are over..wow, I thought they would last. Joey and Eddie are over..not surprisingly. Mainly because she was too scared to leave her comfort zone, and take a risk in life, to go with Eddie to Europe over the summer. I know how that is, because i've been that girl.

The girl who was afraid to see what this world is made of, and was just stuck. I never wanted to take as Eddie said "a leap of faith." I can relate to Joey in so many ways. That episode..just made me think so much. More than ever. And then when Jen and Jack were talking, and Jack said "David knew you guys would last..because you give him hope..and he makes you happy.." I thought that was so nice.

And, what Eddie wrote in that card to Joey, was just unbelievable. Poor thing, she decided to go [well mainly after she spoke to Hetson and he showed her those highlighted paragraphs in Catch 22] and by that time, it was too late. And, oh yeah..because of that fight, Pacey is now fired.

And at the end..what REALLY ruined the night for me, and made me cry a bit..was when they showed them..and said "They don't know it..but..they only have three weeks, all left together..one of these four is going to die.." You should have seen the look on my face. I had this look on my face, like my whole world came crashing down..LOl. I know, I know.."Stacey..it's just a TV show, and you shouldn't get so wrapped up in it..you should live your own life, rooted in reality..and realize the show is ending.." Who asked YOU?! lol. J/k.

I feel like, now that's it almost over, it's just a symbolic thing for me. A symbolic ending. That I changed with that show, and grew up with it, just like they all changed and developed through that show.

Then, after that..and I started to get through my initial shock, I tuned into the ending of American Idol. EXACTLY how I thought it would end up, basically..Carmen, Trenyce, and Joshua in the bottom three. Trenyce was the first to sit down. Then, Joshua followed him. So, Carmen was the one leaving this week. I feel bad for her..yet, she has her whole life ahead of her..She's so young, only 18, and I am sure she will go places and make something of her life.

What really made me feel bad, and got to me, was at the end, when they showed her moments through A Idol on that TV, and then you could see her crying, and afterwards she sang a rather shaky/crying rendition of "Love will lead you back" [a song that she sang on Tuesday night]. See ya Carmen. Trenyce will probably be the next to go.

God, this entry is so much longer than what I expected. Maybe, because I have extra time this morning. So today, is my half day..woo hoo. This week was pretty easy..next week will be hectic. And hopefully, if I feel better on Sunday I can go to the Seafood Festival on the beach, and that is if the weather cooperates, and it doesn't rain.

Tomorrow is the pep rally..yeah..seeing a bunch of posers there, pretending to actually have school spirit, when in reality, they don't give a crap about my school. lol. Me and Julie, knowing us..will sit together, looking bored, looking around and laughing. The only thing I will NOT miss about my school, is some of the people. Most, have sticks up their asses. Of course, I'll miss my friends, when we all go our seperate ways.

Things are going better for my mom..well sort of. She finally got to talk to this guy that she likes, and wants to be with eventually, so I happy for her. Me, I am just going through the "motions" of growing up. Like last night, how David said to Jack on DC that he's someone that seems like he's going through a relationship, but he's not "quite there." I think, there are certain questions to life, that you'll NEVER find the answers to. Certain things that you'll just NEVER, ever seem to understand, no matter how much you attempt, and ponder on it.Maybe it was meant to be this way..to torture you into looking for all the answers. Who knows.

Well, that's my analyization and deep thinking for today..lol. Maybe, tomorrow I will talk about things with of very little significance. I've lost a little bit of enjoyment in the everyday things, the simple things..the things I used to find small pleasures in. Some way, I need to get that back.

That's all for today, folks. I've wrote enough. (: I haven't plugged in a while, it just occured to me, so, this plug goes to carlita27016. She's such a sweetie, and a good friend, who genuinely cares about people. Woo hoo, Friends tonight. : )

Sweetheart..I'll be on early, because I'll be HOME early so we'll talk later. I missed you from last night. : ( I'll probably write you an entry in our diary later. I hope you have a great day, honey. I love you..so very much.

Bye everybody.

"A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault." True dat.

--John Henry Cardinal Newman

"Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing."

--Ally Mc Beal..SO true!!!

"All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection." --William Faulkner ..yeah, but some people come way too close to it.

"Forget the resolutions. Forget control and discipline ... too much work. Instead try experimenting. Go in search of something to fall in love with ... something about yourself, your career, your spouse." --Dale Dauten..So very true.

"It's normal for things to be shitty."-Now and Then

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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