In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Everything I do (I do it for you) by Bryan Adams

Hey folks. I'm back. (: Alrighty..here's what happened yesterday and today..argh..I'm SO bad with greetings. Anyway..It's Random Guestbook Signing Week! So go sign some people's guestbooks! ;)

Yesterday my mom told me that my aunt wanted to go to the mall to get a pants suit for someone's wedding, so we were off to go to the mall..oh wait..some updates about my grandpa..

My uncle called in the morning, and my mom didn't pick up the phone on time so she had to call him back later. Basically, my grandpa was passed out on the floor, and my uncle found him lying there and took him to the hospital. His blood sugar is HIGH, not low like my dumbass aunt said, he has high temperature, thirsty, weak, and he went into a diabetic shock/coma. OH! and on top of that he has Pneumonia. Tis not looking very good. He is in intensive care right now, and the guy doesn't take care of himself. IF he makes it out of this alive, he's going to have to sell his house and move in with my uncle cos there's no way he can live alone.

It's really bad when an old person gets pneumonia. My grandpa is not one of those fighter types. It's sad really, cos he's like 81, he feels he has nothing to live for or to look forward to, he's alone, his wife died 11 years ago..and since then he's never been the same. He doesn't have much of a life, all he does is eat, sleep, and watch TV all day..alone. How sad and lonely.:(

Luckily my uncle found him, or he could have died. The last update I heard, his blood sugar went down and temp but he still has pneumonia, is incoherent, and still is in intensive care. The guy doesn't even want to live anymore like I said. My dad of course, is playing this off like he doesn't give a shit. He's just being stone faced. I, of course am chalking this up to him not being very attached to his father.

It KILLED him when his mom died, cos she was everything he had, and they were SO close and she babied him. His father to him is useless, and doesn't give him a lot of money, and he feels like he's the "shunned upon son." It kills him to even call his own father, and it killed him to visit him when we lived in New York, so this is not bothering him too much..and if it is..he's not showing it.

Of course, my mom feels guilty cos they had a fight the other night and he basically told her she has no interest in their marriage, so she broke out into a rash cos of stress, and had bad weird dreams, and said maybe he's being unemotional because that's how she is, and because she really doesn't have interest in the marriage. But I told her that my dad is choosing to run away, and act like he doesn't care, because it's easier that way.

If you lose something that you're not really close with to begin with, and that you don't become attached with, it's easier to deal with then if you were really close to the person. He chooses to stick his head in the sand and be in denial, cos that's just how he wants to deal with it. Plus, he's only out for himself. I told her we all have different ways of dealing with things, and she shouldn't knock his way, because my mom is NOT in touch with her emotions. And hell, I laugh when there's a crisis. NOT because the situation is funny, but because if I didn't laugh, I'd cry. If I make light of the situation, it's like it's not really even happening..like it's a dream. My dad CHOOSES to act like nothing happened. He's going to feel SO guilty, when my grandpa DOES die.

I can't predict what's going to happen, but we'll see. My mom said I helped her this morning, cos we had a looong talk. She is now calling me "Stacey Landers." lol. She said something this morning that really hit home..she said.."I had a dream that these gangsters were trying to steal my car, and I took everything out cos I knew they were going to, and I looked around for you, and finally found you and then just said to myself, So what let them steal the car..as long as I have my Stacey.." I can't fully explain it, but obviously I mean A LOT to her..she depends on me. Maybe for wisdom, maybe for advice, or maybe..just maybe..I'm her rock.

I then shared a disturbing dream I had with her about a cat we had that died 2 years ago, and she shared with me some other dreams she had about her parents, and how much they meant to her. She said I remind her sooo much of her mother, it's like being around her. That is the ULTIMATE compliment, cos my grandma was truly an AMAZING woman. My mom said she knew from the beginning, that I was going to be speshul..that i'm unique. Ever since talking to her, I KNOW what I am meant to do..and that is help people. I feel SO good doing that, it literally makes my day.

My mom and I have the ODDEST relationship ever..it's so complicating to understand. We fight like sisters, yet sometimes get along so well.

Where the hell did that come from?! lol. But anyway my new nickname is Stacey Landers..get it..like "Ann Landers..the advice giver..and plus land for Diaryland..lol.

Ohh! Soo lol getting back to my day, I don't know WHY but my aunt is so concerned with my grandpa, she keeps calling here to see how she's doing and she doesn't even KNOW the guy. We went to the mall, and my mom told me that she'd buy me a graduation gift..up to $100. I told her I wanted a CD player, but decided nah..that I wanted adidas sandals. We couldn't find them in that mall, and my aunt couldn't find anything she wanted..soo..we went to another mall. I don't know WHY but I started getting really tired. Luckily my aunt found a pants suit, and I got my adidas sandals. They are SOoo comfy!!

Then, we went home..I talked to Nate :), then had dinner. I told her I wanted to rent a movie. I went to Block Buster and rented "A guy thing." I watched the first half hour and thought it was soo boring, prolly cause I was tired, so I went to bed.

This morning, me and mom went out. We first went to this place to see what was wrong with her cell phone, then we went to a flea market to return my dad's wallet for his b-day, and exchange it. We did, and I found some CHEAP ass Father's day cards, and got my dad one, and my mom got him one as well. I am totally clueless of what to get him for father's day but it will be a piece of shit, just like he is. Heh. He's only out for himself all the time..what a prick.

Afterwards, we went to McDonalds for lunch and to Best Buy cos my mom wanted to get a CD player for the car..cos she only has a tape player now. We found one for $59.99 and it's pretty nice, and a Sony. The sound is soo well. She said it's not only for the car, but for her, and me if I ever want to use it. So she FINALLY got a Cd player for her car. We were going to go to the pool afterwards, but decided on the park instead and chilled till bugs started biting us..lol.

Then we went home, I talked to Nate on the phone, watched the rest of A guy thing. The ending was GREAT. It was pretty funny after all, and not so bad. Now..here I am. Later I will be watching Road Rules of course.

Tomorrow I have a lot to do..me and mom are going to this place to get my dad's brakes on his car fixed, we have to return the video and the CD burner cos it's not working..[LOoong story.], and then do some other shtuff. I still have to figure out to do with my $100..[I have 70 left, and an extra 30 from my aunt]. Anyone have any suggestions???

You know what I realized? My mom told me that I'd benefit from helping people as a job, and i'm great at it, but I'm so darn shy. She said that I need to break out of my shell a bit. My shyness is holding me back from so many things. *sighs* grr. I wish it wasn't such a huge part of me, hell it always has been. I have always been to myself, sure I hide it well on here, but I have always been so shy.

Well, anyway..I am off to update my playlist and do some thinking. Buh bye!! *waves* WOO! I LOVE purdy sunsets, and listening to Delilah.

Sweetheart..I hope you have fun with brat tonight!!! I miss you like CRAZY and love you to death, with every single beat of my heart. I'll talk to you tomorrow. (K) *grins*

ohh wait..here's a song..*btw* I feel MUCH better. : )

"At the end"-IIO

When you're away, I'm feeling empty

I lose my mind

But when you're around, I take for granted

Most of our time

Honey you say that I'm cold

And sometimes I'm out of control

Baby, you know how I am, at the end, you're always mine

I don't mean to when I hurt you

But I need you, I can show you

Just let me be when I'm crazy,

At the end you're still my only.

At the end [x3]

Right when you're gone, I really miss you

You got my heart.

When you come back, I just wanna kiss you

And it tears you apart.

Honey do make me stay,

Believe me it's better this way.

Baby I'm true and I'm real.

I'm giving you all that I feel.

Chorus x2

Sweety, I'm trying my best,

To give you the most and the less.

Darling, I'm true and I'm real,

I'm giving you all that I feel.

[Chorus x2]

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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