In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Welcome February!!! I welcome you with open arms. It seems like it took such a long time for you to get here but you finally are here.to hear. It was good to go out and see a movie..just a variation from the mundane routine that is my life. Change doesn't have to be a bad thing..a lot of things depend on :D Man, I fricking hate it when I dream..last night's dreams were the oddest ever. Luckily, I have more time to update this morning.

I have a lot to talk about and as always, limited time to talk about it in. Ugh! These past few days have been a ball of frustration, aggravation, and loneliness for me. I find myself getting annoyed and irritated easily with a lot of things which is SO unlike me. However, sometimes I'm not even sure who that is. *sigh* Then again, when you feel sad and alone and it's raining non-stop for 2 days, that has the ability to do that to you. Not just regular rain..COLD rain. Brr!

I'm excited for this month..it's now one more month til I see Nate, instead of two..Valentine's is fast approaching. In a way I'm loathing it, yet I can't wait for it. It's like a catch 22 in a way. Tomorrow is my grandfather's birthday. Which means I have to get on the phone to talk to him. Bleh! I know, I know..how bad can it be? But trust me..it's no picnic. He can't hear anything and repeating myself over and over just gets so tedious. Oh well. Great tv tomorrow..something to look forward to. The new Inferno & American Idol.

The superbowl is tonight. Like I said, I'm not totally interested in it yet the Panthers winning would be cool. I suppose I'll check the scores online for it in the morning. Tonight is surreal life night so that's what I'll be watching. Root for the panthers, ya'll! haha.

I saw "Along came Polly" with my aunt & mom last night. Great movie! When we got there of course it was raining REALLY hard and then we came to find out that "The Butterfly effect" cancelled it's last two showings and "Cold Mountain" and "Mystic River" were sold out! what a great movie theater..huh? lol. I can't stand it when people talk about me like I'm not even there..or stare and point at me when I'm sitting a ROW behind them and think I don't notice. "Polly" was a cute movie..really funny but not hilariously funny. It really made me think though..I'm a lot like the Ben Stiller character..afraid to try new things, doesn't take many risks, lives accordingly to plan..but as the movie shows, sometimes life has things in store for you that don't meet up to your specific plan. It's importanht to just go with the flow and embrace everything that comes your way..and to not be afraid to do different things, to take a risk..no risk = no reward. It was something I needed the way you look at them, how you handle them.

Besides that, of course we went bowling. We were gonna go ice skating instead but due to the weather, it didn't pan out. It was really embarrassing though cos as always, I can't bowl for shit. My family was trying to help me out but all I did was sit there and get upset. Grr..I have so much pride, it's unbelievable. I want to learn things on my own..I hate to admit it when I need help, so I try to help other people. I finally did listen to them and then everything changed and I bowled pretty well. I think I need to learn how to handle criticism better. I guess I have to realize that getting help doesn't mean I'm weak, it just means I'm human. I sometimes feel like I'm not good at anything really..but then I know that's not true.

My cousin (Karen) is moving soon. I'm going to miss her but I know she needs to move. It meets we're gonna hang out with her less but we'll still see her. She's a great gal. :) I admire her a lot for just how much she has changed and what she has gone through..she's come out of it pretty well. I'm proud of her.

Ugh, everything is just SO overwhelming. My head is swirling right now. I still need to do a '100 things' at the end of this entry. Oh yeah, my mom told me that she saw an old friend of mine in the grocery store the other day. I kind of miss her..miss hanging out with her. We had some good times. I'm just in a way afraid to contact her. I really don't know why. *shrugs* I can't even figure myself out on occasion. Anti-social..that's me I guess lol.

I just hate the way I've been lately. I've really been hard to deal with. I never thought I was a jealous person til Nate came along. Now I feel like I always need to know what's going on. I guess it's cos I got cheated on..and didn't know about it for a really long time. Suspected, but wasn't sure. Something tells me though that Nate wouldn't ever do that to me.

I'm kind of like Karen in that way..she felt bad for even leaving her boyfriend home alone yesterday so she called him like 3 times and went home early to be with him. I hope he asks her to marry him someday..I know that's what she wants more than anything. All I know is she deserves to be happy...we all do. Anyway, Reba was good friday night..it made me think too. About dreams, and second chances and all that. I have dreams..I just don't act on them. They are just daydreams right now. One day, I'd love to see my writing published..I either want to be a famous writer or psychologist. Hopefully I can make either/or happen. I want to make my dreams into a reality.

I remember what I really wanted to say..yesterday me, Karen, Sheila, and my mom took pics..there's one of us. Hopefully I can put that up sometime so you guys can see us in one picture together. My aunt's hair looks great..my cousin dyed it yesterday. I have a feeling today is not going to be great. My dad's not talking to my mom for some reason and I have a feeling that he's pissed that we went out last night without him. It's not like we even went out to dinner anyway! We ate it in my aunt's house. Uh oh, it looks like rain again. This is too much rain..even for ME!! lol. I'm so complex..I think I want something and then when I get it, I want to push it away. *shrugs*

At times I feel like I'm too clingy and needy. I hate that. I'm sure this sadness and this kind of depressing feeling I'm getting will go away. Like I said, I just feel really overwhelmed with everything and I'm trying to deal.

Crap, I better go..she's going to wake up really soon and I gotta eat. Today I have no plans. It seems like everytime I go out some crap happens anwyay lol. I can't wait to talk to Nate. I hope you get some sleep though, baby!! Take care and everyone..make february a month to remember!!! Enjoy the rest of your weekend. *HUGS* (100 facts will be up next entry..the coding is taking too much time..of which I don't have). Sorry that this entry was all over the place.."jumpy." It's just my thoughts are scattered and widespread right now.

-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."

What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

EDIT @ 9:46 AM. My dad and I just got into a really big fight. I saw this coming. I don't want him in my life..I don't even want to acknowledge him as my father because he's been anything but a father. I'm more frustrated with life than ever before. I can't be here anymore..I mean here as in this house. There's too many tears, too much tension. I don't need this. More on the fight tomorrow. This month is starting off with a bang! right. I can't wait for this day to end. I want to be with Nate..he's my only happiness in this world really.

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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