In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

I know I just wrote last night but I felt this need to write again...

It is REALLY hard when you have so much faith in your relationship and are not ready to give up on it...yet the other person just doesn't feel the same way that you do. Or have as much faith in your relationship as you do. I can sugarcoat it all I want...but I am HURTING. I feel like a ton of bricks just knocked me down.

It's tough to read something like "Well..I just don't know anymore about us or what I want to do." It makes me feel like SHIT. It really does. Before we were so sure that we were going to have a future..and now, because of a fight everything is up in the air. I don't think that we should let a fight come between us and destroy everything that we have...and everything that we have been to each other for the last 21 months. We're BETTER than this. But I am the only person that feels that way...so I don't know what to do now. I can't force him to see things the way that I do. Ugh.

Things like this can be worked out. When you give up on someone you are essentially saying "You aren't good enough...you're not worth anything..you're not worth me sticking this out..I don't want to work things out to make things better between us." Well, to me that's what that means anyway. It means that you don't care enough about them..that you're willing to just let them slip through your fingers. I have SO much hope for the future of our relationship....and it's just not reciprocated & THAT is what is such a crushing blow to me. *Sigh* These problems with us is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. But if he truly wants his distance right now, then that's what I'll give him. He just needs to figure that out & figure out what he wants. I know that I want to be with him for a long time. If he thinks it over & figures out that it's not what he wants..then...I'll just have to move on..as tough as that will be.

Well...I am going to try and be strong and hang in there though, and as I said focus on other things in my life right now. If I put my full focus on this, then I am just going to cry all day.

I'm gonna go eat soon & do some cleaning. I just needed to write that and get it out of my system. Have a great day guys and girls. <3

Ps: Real World was actually good last night..I was touched.

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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