In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Wild World- Cat Stevens (Ah what an AWESOME song!!!)

I felt that it was about time for an update. Right? :)

Today has been very tiring. I went food shopping with my mom in the humidity, 90 degree temp..ugh...not fun. But we needed food. Then I had to do a lot of stuff around here. But now I can finally sit down, collect my thoughts, and relax.

I feel like I've been neglecting this diary a bit because i've been writing a lot in my paper diary lately. There's a lot of things that I can say in there that I can never, ever write about in here..things that I keep so closely guarded and things that are so personal to me. But I definitely still love Diaryland as well. :D

Thank you guys for being so caring...it really means the world to me. You guys have gotten me through so many hard days & hard times. I love you all!! Well anyway, I talked to Nate today...finally..after not hearing from him since Saturday. Hmmm, we're not fighting anymore but yet things are so not the way that I want for them to be. It's going to take some time for things to go back to the way they were..and I totally understand that. This "strangeness", awkwardness, and uncertainty between us is definitely new for me, but I think it's only temporary until we truly work things out.

I know in my heart though that in the end, we're meant to be together. Sure, we've been through A LOT and are going through a very difficult, low point in our relationship but I have full faith that he is the person I am supposed to be with...no matter WHAT we go through. I've never been so 100% sure about anything in my life. Yes, life has no guarantees and the future is unknown but I know me and Nate can get through this (and through ANYTHING else) if we stay together and don't give up on each other. This new turn our relationship has taken isn't easy for me to digest but again, time will prove that this is for real & that our love is everlasting. This will only make us stronger and closer. I definitely believe that.

I can't let my hurt right now over this consume my life however. I need to focus on other things as well...focus on things that can make me happy other than Nate. It's exactly what he told me today and something that has been on my mind for the past few days. I don't know what it's like to be alone cos everytime after my past relationships ended, I'd jump right into another one. It was a security blanket for me...I just hate being alone. I feel incomplete by myself. I really do use love to complete me. And that is not the way it should be. I need to make myself complete and be happy within. I need to get out more and develop my own identity apart from Nate. It's not healthy to depend on one person so much. I need to start depending on me more & turning more to creative outlets--things to take my mind off how I am feeling.

Besides that, nothing much else is really new. I saw Road Rules on Monday which was really good. :-) And fear factor. I am excited for the Real World finale tonight..thank god it's over. lol. We had this REALLY bad storm early this morning..it woke me up actually. Heavy lightning, loud, booming thunder..pouding rain..the works.

I've been listening to sad, angry music lately..probably because of how I am feeling. Heh, odd how it only appeals to me when I am in times of darkness. Karen is coming back home tonight. My mom is going to see her tomorrow, I hope I'll be able to as well. I missed her. :( As for the job search...haven't been able to look lately cos my mom has been busy and things keep coming up. Hopefully I'll be able to look soon. A job is definitely something I need very much right now, to keep me busy, and for many other reasons.

Wow, this entry was a lot longer than I had intended for it to be. lol. So I think I'll just end it here and go watch a re-run of "Friends." Have a great night, all. Thanks for listening....thanks for being there once again. *big hugs* <33

PS: My aches have thankfully gone away. :o)

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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