In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Back...again! Geez, that seems to be my slogan. lol. I can't believe it's been 19 days since I last updated. Yikes. It sure doesn't feel like it. The days just seem to be flying by lately.

I haven't updated in LJ either, if you can believe that. I guess I simply haven't been in the mood to write. I don't know if it's laziness or just not really feeling in touch with writing..the latter actually.

Nothing new to report here. The job search is so exhausting..mainly mentally. It's very frustrating and aggravating but I must carry on with it and I can't give up because that would just be the easy way out. My lack of experience is coming back to bite me in the ass. If I wasn't so concentrated on my school work and studies in high school, I wouldn't be having this problem right now. I called back one of the agencies that I went to yesterday..of course I heard that they have found nothing for me. What else is new. I'm hoping for some good news and soon because I haven't heard any good news about anything in a very long time.

In the meantime, I just have to keep putting forth the effort. Home life sucks as per usual. My parents got into their millionth (slight exaggeration but it feels that way) fight the other day. They still are not speaking. The tension has built up so much around here..it's incredible. I should be used to it by now but I don't know if you can ever get used to that. When my mom and I are in the same room, no tension..but when I'm in a room with him alone or the three of us are in the room together I'm afraid to even breathe. It's gotten to that point. I'm sick and tired of it..I'm just tired in so many ways.

Day to day I just never know what is going to happen and that scares the shit out of me. I was afraid the other night when they were fighting that my dad was going to really hurt my mom..physically that is. He's already hurt us both enough emotionally and verbally. I feared for her safety. Luckily nothing happened but you never know around him..he's such a psycho case. He is capable of many things. He really needs help but of course he's in denial.

I still feel so 'blah' and the fact that i'm PMSing just adds onto that feeling. =/ I want to talk to my baby right now but we won't be able to talk today which is a bummer. I need his arms around me holding me tight and making me feel like everything is right within the world. When are things supposed to get better? because they haven't. I've waited so long for things to look up..how much longer is it going to take? The wait is excrutiating...the wait for everything is excrutiating.

As usual I will press on and try to be hopeful..that's all I can pretty much do at this point. I apologize for my entries being so sporadic. I don't know when I'll be back but I'll try my best to not have it be such a long time from now. I love you all so much. Take care of yourselves. <333

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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