In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Sweet love-Anita Baker

Hey guys. I am ready to commit murder on this fucking computer!! That might sound a bit whacko..but I just got disconnected right in the middle of typing up an entry (so needless to say I lost the entry), then before while writing a note--and THREE times last night while talking to Nate. And as I just tried to get back online before, this damn thing gave me such a struggle with it and then a lot of other crap happened last night even AFTER all the steps my mom took to fix it. Nothing is working. I think it's time for a new computer. I'd love to just throw this one in the landfill where it freaking belongs!!! I actually did pretty much put my fist through the glass before. ARGH! I'm so glad it's the beginning of a new week..it HAS to be better than last week.

Both this thing and my dad are pain in the asses. Gosh, my dad is such a freaking sneak! I found out that he loves to listen to me and my mom's conversations so god only knows what he has heard about. But when he listens, he hides. I guess he thinks we are keeping stuff from him or something but god--he has NO right to listen into private, personal conversations! What a putz. And then he was just being an ass to my mom. I felt bad for the poor woman. He thinks we're on the computer too much..I can care less what he thinks! His opinion means absolutely nothing to me. HE means nothing. heh.

He mentioned something at dinner about thanksgiving..god do I hope he doesn't want to go. I am at the moment looking forward to it. He said he's not working thanksgiving day, but he is that night so most likely he won't want to go. (crosses fingers). My aunt called us yesterday and said she already bought a turkey..mmm! I am sure it will be yummy.

Anyway, despite being frustrated and aggravated, I'm not sad or numb anymore. The thing I didn't want to talk about was relationships issues between myself and Nate. We talked a lot yesterday and got things all straightened out. Mainly, there's stuff about myself that I need to change, and not only for the sake of me and Nate's relationship, but for myself and my life as well. I am working on a lot of things and I guess the real wake up call was when Nate told me he was just very frustrated with it and ready to give up. :( I nearly died when I read that sentence, it's like my heart forgot how to beat. It terrified me. And then he said he was thinking that maybe someone else could better handle that stuff so now I realize how much it is impacting him. And just all of that made me cry but I am reminding myself also to just pick my battles better, I can't let every little thing destroy me inside, and I can't pick a fight over every little thing either. Some stuff isn't worth it.

Me and Nate are doing great now, but we needed that talk..he said some things I needed to hear and I love him and don't want to lose him and I am just realizing that if I continue being this way, I will and I just can't do that anymore. So, to better myself and our relationship I NEED to change. At first I freaked out when he pointed out some things about me, but he was right in what he said and I am just going to learn how to be more secure in myself and our feelings for each other. It will take some time, but I am on my way there.

I'm just happy that we're good. :) I am going to tell my mom next weekend about going to AZ for a couple of weeks. I am sure she won't have any major objections and even if she does, I'm still going! lol. Gosh, I can't believe in only another three weeks or so I will see my baby again. :-) I can't wait. We're going to have the best time there. Sure, we might run into a fight or two ;) but I know we'll be able to work everything out. Just like we always have and still do to this day. Why? cos we belong together, cos we love, and accept each other. I think we are even STRONGER for going through what we did these past few days.

But anyway, yesterday just seemed to crawl by and drag on for some odd reason. Heh. This week I REALLY need to clean my room and bathroom, and start going christmas shopping. I am going to try and get all that stuff done. I think we're gonna look around for more computers too. God, the smell in here is giving me a headache. My mom bought this air freshener yesterday and it smells like cologne--but a really BAD cologne. ECK!

Well, I am going to go..god, I'm tired. I've been tired a lot lately..hmm..nah, it's prolly cos I'm hungry right now or something. Of course my mom thinks I have a fatal disease. (rolls eyes) haha. Tonight is 7th heaven and The Gauntlet. YAY! Wow, I can't believe that the real world season finale is tomorrow night! I can't miss that. I'm excited to talk to Nate today. :) BRR, it's still cool out. NOW I am going..lol. Have a great week all! *hugs*

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Him.
What's his name?:	Nate
How old is he?:	26 (turning 27 next month)
What's his nationality?:	Native American mostly.
What are his 3 best qualities?:	intelligence, sense of humor, compassion.
His 3 worst?:	He doesn't have any.
What's his family like?:	I don't know..I am just going by what he's telling me right now, well till I meet em..lol.
How is he with kids?:	I don't know but I can imagine that he's going to be the best father ever cos he teaches me new things everyday.
Does he treat you well? How?:	Oh yeah. :) He's patient with me even when I am at my worst and he's just such a sweetheart.
As A Couple.
How long have you two been together?:	14 months.
How and when did you two meet?:	We met online, on a site 2 years ago..and in person in September.
Did you know it was going to last?:	yes...I had this feeling since the first day.
Can you picture yourself spending your life with him?:	Definitely. <3
Do you want to have his children?:	Of course.
What's the best memory you two ever had together?:	Gosh, just every moment we spent together when he was here.
The worst?:	None.
What's the best day you've ever shared?:	Hmm..i'd say either the day where we went to lion country sifari, or the day we went to Miami.
Have either of you ever cheated?:	I haven't, and he best have not! lol j/k I know that he's faithful.
If so, how did you deal with it?:	....
Do you have names for your kids?:	Yep. :)
What are they?:	I'd tell you but I'd have to kill you. ;)
What song makes you think of him?:	"Underneath it all."
Out of all the little things he does, what's your favorite?:	Oh wow..I don't know. get back to me.
What does he do that annoys you sometimes?:	uh. nevermind..lol.
How much have you guys shared?:	a lot.
On a scale of 1-10, what's the cuteness level?:	100! lol. He's the cutest bunny ever.
What's your nicknames for each other?:	Oh goodness :blushes:...bunny, honey bunny, precious, sweetie, baby, honey, fuzzy, angel, etc.
If you could some him up in what word, what would it be?:	amazing.
If you could tell him anything right now, what would it be? Say anything.:	I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you in lust with him?:	I think it's a good combo of lust and love.
What's the sexiest thing about him?:	gosh, his wit..his personality..everything.
Finally, are you really in love?:	100% truly, madly, deeply.

Your boyfriend brought to you by BZOINK!

---y0u---
Name?:	Stacey
Age?:	18
Location?:	FL.
Sex?:	female.
Siblings?:	none.
Height?:	5'6-5'7"
Hair color?:	brown.
Eye color?:	brown.
---pers0nal---
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:	Yesh.
Whats his/her name?:	Nate.
Whats one word you could think of to describe them?:	incredible.
Whats the best thing theyve ever done for you?:	Love me! that's a feat in itself..lol. I'm learning how to love me too.
If you dont have a bf/gf, do you want one?:
---fav0rites---
Fav movie?:	Crazy/beautiful & Now and Then.
Fav person you know?:	Nate.
Fav food and drink?:	Italian, Root Beer.
Fav shirt you own?:	My green tee.
Fav place youve been to?:	California.
Fav colors?:	green & silver (sometimes).
Fav place to be?:	the beach.
Fav store?:	The Rave.
Fav tv show?:	Dawson's Creek.
Fav song?:	"Underneath it all", "Free Falling", "Unchained Melody", "King of wishful thinking"--I couldn't pick just ONE! lol.
---prefs---
Pepsi or coke?:	Coke.
Chocolate or vanilla?:	chocolate.
Internet or phone?:	internet.
McDonalds or Burger King?:	burger king.
Eminem or 50 cent?:	both.
Make up or no make up?:	make up.
Cat or dog?:	cat.
Spanish or French?:	french.
Lights on or lights off?:	lights off.
Hungry or full?:	full.
Chocolate milk or hot chocolate?:	hot chocolate.
---are y0u---
Suicidal?:	no.
Stubborn?:	yes! lol
Open-minded?:	somewhat..working on that too.
Arrogant?:	no.
Patient?:	yes.
Hyper?:	no.
Nice?:	yes.
Happy?:	sometimes.
Depressed?:	not sure..possibly.
---wh0 d0 y0u want t0---
Fuck?:	heheheh...;)
Kiss?:	Nate.
Hurt?:	my dad.
Beat the shit out of?:	my dad lol.
Kill?:	my dad..do you see a recurring theme? lol.
Hug?:	Nate.
---with the 0pp0site sex---
Favorite eye color on the opposite sex?:	brown, of course. green's a nice color too on anyone really.
Hair color?:	brown.
Curly or straight?:	straight.
Tall or short?:	average.
Red hair, blonde hair, brunette or other?:	brunette. <--you asked that already though.
Pale tan or in the middle?:	my bunny is TAN lol so..tan.
---w0uld y0u---
Shave your head for $1000?:	no!
Cheat on your bf/gf?:	no.
Eat a bug?:	no.
Be on fear factor?:	hmmm maybe.
Kill yourself?:	no.
Cut yourself if you were depressed?:	no.
Turn goth?:	no.
Dress up as the opposite sex and go out in public as a dare?:	LOL no.
---have y0u ever---
Masturbated?:	lol what do YOU think??? ;)
Gone skinny dipping?:	no.
Had sex?:	no.
Seen the same movie more than 5 times?:	yup!
---y0ur friends---
Who do you rely on most and could trust with anything?:	Nate.
Whos ur best friend of the same sex?:	hmmmm...I don't have one.
Why?:	...
Whos your best friend of the opposite sex?:	Nate
Why?:	He's my lover and friend all rolled into one for so many reasons.
Funniest?:	Nate
Stupidest?:	how mean! lol.
Nicest?:	wow, get back to me.
Best looking?:	Carly is really gorgeous. :)
Craziest?:	hmm...*shrugs* all crazy I guess.
---Andddd finally---
I gotta go, bye:	peace out nuga! lol.

.*.*aLL aBoUt yOu*.*. brought to you by BZOINK!

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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