In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: I found someone-Cher

Hey. So yesterday was a pretty good day all in all. I think it turned out the way it did cos I made a choice to have a good time and focus on enjoying myself instead of dwelling in my sadness.

So here are the events..after I updated, I got dressed, waited for my mom to and then we headed over to my aunt's. We decided to take her car out yesterday just for a change, cos we usually go out with my mom's. We went over to a diner for breakfast, and met Karen there. Poor thing is going through a lot of back and neck pain right now. :( Breakfast was ok I guess. The thing that surprised me is when we were saying bye to her for the day she gave me this huge, long hug..and it was like a lingering hug and normally, my family isn't that lovey-dovey but it felt really good. Maybe she sensed my sadness or something. I still miss Dawn & Tom though..more than I thought I would. I guess it will take some time to get used to the fact that they have a life back in Seattle, not here with us.

Oh, we discussed at breakfast what everyone is bringing for thanksgiving and just stuff like that..stories from my aunt's past..heh, funny shtuff right there. (right thurr). haha. My aunt actually wants a dog..that would be pretty interesting. She used to have one but the poor thing had to be put to sleep years ago. It was the "family dog."

Anyway, after that we headed over to Walmart to get some stuff. I got some personal shtuff I needed for myself, that I am apparently too shy to state..lol. After Walmart we went over to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get Karen's christmas present. I wanted to chip in a bit, but my mom said to save my money for other things. God, I love that store! If anyone would lock me up in there overnight I'd go absolutely crazy stealing EVERYTHING..lol.

We got her this really SOFT, nice throw. It is kind of big for a throw, so I guess it could be almost considered a blanket. It has a zebra pattern on it, but really it's tan and has black stripes going through it. It could be considered leopard, minus the spots. God, I fell in love with it! As did my mom and aunt. It just felt really good. It was expensive enough..heh.

So, they bought that and then from there we went over to this store and my aunt got some shtuff she needed. I saw Three Doors Down's New CD for $10.99! The cheapest YET! The only thing is, I didn't have any money with me so I couldn't really get it. :-( We saw this really CUTE stuffed tiger in there, aww it was holding it's baby cub and it was just so freaking adorable. I fell in love with it too..lol. I LOVE animals like tigers, and leopards and shtuff.

After that, we went to Pizza Hut. (yep, our usual place) haha. We do go there a lot but mmmm they have great pizza!!! On the way back to my aunt's I was lip synching to love songs in the car..hehe. I can't get enough of music! especially love songs. Of course, my aunt caught me in the act! heh. I noticed that I talked a LOT yesterday-unusually a lot for me considering I'm a very quiet person normally.

I guess I was just trying to get out of my shell a bit and forget what was on my mind and it did help for a while. Well, till I got home but I'll get to that later. So, we got to my aunt's house and they both ended up cleaning out each other's cars, washing em, vacuuming em, pressure cleaning, shtuff like that outside cos it was a GORGEOUS day. A little crisp in the morning, but warm in the afternoon and cool again at night. Really perfect weather, if you ask me.

We then called Karen to see what was going on with her cos she told us she was helping out Dave in the shop with cars but we didn't believe her and thought she was out rendezvouing with online guys..haha. I guess she really did go with Dave. She said that we might have bought the wrong thing for her, cos she wanted a blanket NOT a throw.

Sooo, from my aunt's, we went to another Bed, Bath, and Beyond and saw if there was something else there she could have wanted but it turned out to be a total waste of time, cos they had the same exact items as the other one. Mmm but they had really fantastic smelling candles in there! I thought I had died and gone to heaven..haha. We were joking around a lot in there--about, well you don't wanna know..haha. Gosh, they are two sexual creatures..yucckk. ANYWAY, After that, we went to Best Buy which was right next door. My mom looked at the computers in there. There was a really NICE Compaq in there that has the features we want, in a good price range but my mom said that we'll see. It was a very cute computer, it had the speakers right on the sides of the computer, which is something we're not accustomed to.

We all left empty handed and then went out for dinner. Mmm it was a good dinner. I was SO full afterwards, the only bad thing..well for me was, the place was FULL of old people. I wouldn't have had a problem with that, except for the fact that these horny, creepy old men were staring me up and down like I was a piece of meat, and these old ladies were talking about me and making it REALLY obvious. I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. I hate being the center of attention as it is and then that happens. I think they were SO fascinated and mystified cos I was one of the very few young people in there..haha.

After that delicious dinner, we went over to a dollar store. They actually had something I wanted in there! I found my shampoo in there, and got it. Hey, where can you go wrong for a dollar? haha. Anyway, my mom was saying how it was really sad that we were out all day and my dad didn't call to see where we were. What else is new. Their marriage is pathetic--wait, let me correct that..they don't even HAVE a marriage. It amazes me the horrible luck in love most of my family has. They have chosen the absolute cream of shit, most of them. Others know what they are doing, but that's VERY few others. I'm one of the others.

Anyway, after that we went over to this outlet place and they also had really nice stuff, pricey but nice. It kind of reminded me of Bed, Bath, and Beyond except they had clothes, jewelry, and other shtuff there. It was pretty cool. For some reason, on the way home I was VERY funny--and normally I am serious. When I do talk, I do have the ability to be funny I guess. It was like to me, that people drink alcohol to numb their pain..it's like I talked a lot and was funny to numb MY pain..it was like, I was masking how I truly felt. But that's obviously the healthier route. I was also surprised at how unusually easygoing I was about EVERYTHING. Normally, I have the tendency to be very difficult/demanding but it was SO much easier to go with the flow and not make a huge deal out of everything. I guess that means I am growing up. heh.

We went back to my aunt's, and then me and my mom went home. For some reason, my mom was online and I was sitting here..and I just cried. I couldn't keep it all in anymore. I guess I was making another choice, cos tears just washed my face. I cried silently, as so she wouldn't hear but it was only for a few mins and then I stopped and stayed up for a bit, went online, and then went to bed and now here I am. I still just can't talk about what happened. My dreams last night were extremely disturbing. I wouldn't call them "nightmares" per say, but they frightened me a bit--like how a dream can frighten you in the "Why was I dreaming about THIS?" kind of way.

So, I signed on this morning and had to reboot about three times. I want to throw this f-ing thing out the damn window! lol. *SCREAMS* Ok, now I feel better. I didn't actually SCREAM but it was very tempting. Later on today, me and mom are going to try our damned hardest to fix this thing which will be a task in itself seeing as how she's all cranky and shit. My dad is off today, so today should be fun! (Yep, that was sarcasm folks)! Ugh. I really, really hope he doesn't want to join in on our thanksgiving dinner, cos I'll be so bummed out. Hopefully he'll be working the next day. I know that's horrible to say, but the less I see him, the better. I'm sure my aunt is thankful that her husband won't be here on thanksgiving..haha.

My family really did come through yesterday and did really try their best to make me feel better but I still feel the same way. :( I'm sure this feeling will go away soon. Thanks to a lot of you for your concern. I rarely ever feel like I am anything special, but you guys do a really good job of making me feel that way so all the "thank you's" in the world couldn't suffice. I am an insecure person, but you all have enstilled confidence in me and that's a very precious gift.

I'll be ok, and till I am I just have to keep making the right choices, choices to despite no matter what goes wrong--to keep my head up and a smile on my face. Things in life ARE a choice, and you choose the way you handle something and I have to keep in mind that things are not going to always go my way, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. And we are our own worst critics--so I guess it wouldn't hurt for me to ease up on myself and not just bash myself for making a mistake, cos we all do and I am only human. And there ARE times where I do feel like I am such a moron or idiot, like anyone else, but I know that I am not ACTUALLY an idiot. So, I think I am getting somewhere..even with just that realization in mind.

Well, I gotta go. I still have some things to do online and people to write to. I think I'm gonna take a short nap after brkfst cos I'm so tired. Enjoy the rest of your weekend guys. :-)

"To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another."

15 things that make you happy
1:	Nate
2:	rain
3:	chocolate
4:	sunsets
5:	music
6:	magazines
7:	friends
8:	family
9:	shopping
10:	writing
11:	kids
12:	reading
13:	beach
14:	laughter
15:	memories
10 things you are thankful/grateful for
1:	Nate
2:	family
3:	friends
4:	roof over my head
5:	life
6:	love
7:	living in america
8:	knowledge
9:	blessings
10:	computer lol.--other stuff like that.
5 things that inspire you
1:	love
2:	pain-growth
3:	happiness
4:	past/future
5:	learning
3 things you enjoy doing
1:	listening to music
2:	talking online
3:	writing poetry
3 ways you will better yourself in the upcoming year
1:	not being afraid to try new things/keeping more of an open mind about stuff.
2:	making something of myself.."applying" myself.
3:	being more outgoing.
2 things you are looking forward to in the upcoming year
1:	being with Nate again.
2:	making resolutions that I hope to KEEP lol.
now don't you just feel good?

*a feel-good survey* brought to you by BZOINK!

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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