In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song I am listening to: Fallin by Alicia Keys

Current refreshment: None.

Current state of mind/mood: Check out I-mood..also..missing my fuzzy. ={

Hey guys..well I am feeling kinda better from that last entry. =)

Yesterday was a BIT of a waste to go to school..we didn't do much in the THREE classes I went to..today I am only going to two and tomorrow is a full day :-( though I do get a three day weekend. Eww! I found out yesterday that Adam definitely likes me..nasty nasty! lol Oh! and after MUCH deliberation..I have decided to..keep my template. If you don't like my decision..BITE ME! lol..it's MY diary and I like this template no matter what ANYONE thinks.

Insomnia strikes back lol I haven't been able to sleep too well lately. Maybe because I am like the energizer bunny..I keep thinking and thinking and thinking..blah! lol. Aww bunny! lol.I got to talk to bunny on the phone last night. : )

Well what topped off the day is me and mom got into a fight..and this is kinda what has been on my mind. I HATE when she brings up things I can't stand hearing about.

So she started talking about College..which by the way..I am NOT too thrilled about and tuition and shit and I was just all "shut the fuck up!" lol you know how it is. So then she said something that has been on my mind for a while..she said "You need to live in the damn reality world, Stacey..time to wake up and stop fantasizing and dreaming..and MAKE things happen." I was about to argue with her, yet I didn't..why? because she was right. And rational. That's exactly who I am. I daydream my life away. I have these goals yet I do nothing to achieve them. I dream.."A goal without a plan is a dream." Very true.

I guess I need to get my ass in gear and realize, yep this is the real world, and I will be thrust into it VERY soon whether I like it or not..I am turning 18..an adult..I won't have her there anymore. I need to take responsibility..get a job..etc..start acting my age and stop yearning for my childhood. Hell you should see my room..I feel in a WAY I am growing up, yet in another way I am still a kid at heart..just taking a step back.

It's not that I am immature, it's just it's hard for me to let go. To let go of my past, of being a child. It would be great if EVERYTHING in life was a fairytale, though it's not. Things don't turn out in real life the way they do in books/movies. I am not going to wake up and this will all go away. I can't run anymore. What am I running from? Adulthood I would say. I need to stop and let everything catch up with me.

I just don't do things with confidence. I guess it is easier to stick with what's familiar, to stay in your comfort zone so this way you won't get rejected, hurt etc and won't have to see if you took a risk that you are making a huge mistake. I think it's about time I got out of my comfort zone and just lived on the edge and "Carpe Diemed"..seized the day. Instead of wanting to do things I should actually do things. Aw man for some reason I am crying right now.. I have a feeling my period is on the way LOL..oh god. I have ALL the symptoms/signs and I AM due. blah! to that. lol. Also because this is going to sound totally corny but Mr. Rogers..from Mr Rogers Neighborhood died and for some reason I am taking it badly. Hell I GREW UP on that guy. My WHOLE childhood was based on watching his show. Yeah call me a wuss but it's another part of my childhood..lost. That's why I love the memories..those will never fade, or go away..I have those for the rest of my life.

Anyway, enough with sadness..dad was being such a JERK yesterday. Well not to mom, but what he SAID about her wasn't too great and pissed me off. Basically, she was leaving to go to her meeting and me and dad were eating dinner so then he leans over to me and whispers "Don't tell your mom this..but I think she is wasting her time." Great..what an asshole. Could ya at LEAST be supportive for once? Of course, I won't tell her because she does NOT need negative crap bringing her down. She is trying Soooooo fricking hard. To make a better life for herself and me..to succeed..to make money and have a life she is proud to live..to get out of this marriage and find someone she can really see herself with forever.

I think that's why she rags on Nate at times..because she can see just how much we love each other, how happy we are..and all that and she's jealous..she wants what I have..she wants that for herself. But anyway my dad just doesn't see all the work she is putting in..she exhausts herself trying to recruit people in her business. But I told him I am not interfering. It's not my place. I hated when he said that though. It's like he thinks she's some kind of failure though in my eyes, HE'S the only failure.

I have worked SOO hard through my life, to turn out different from him..to not be a failure like he is. I think I am doing ok for myself. I've done alright with the cards life has dealt me. I guess I just need that extra push in the right direction..a push so I can get where I need to be and motivated.

Anyway, I WAS actually going to write a 'happy' entry but emotionally, I am not in that place right now.

Well I am off..sweetie..I wuv you sooo fricking much..we'll talk later today. I loved all of our talks yesterday. I'll be back tomorrow all. bye! *waves*

*~Stacey*~

"When two souls, that have shed their loneliness, embrace and melt into one; from out of loneliness, love is born."

PS: Tiff beloved323..I am here for you ALWAYS. Woo hoo! me and mom are off to Nathan's later for lunch and then I am off to hell (school.)

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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