In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: I can't stop loving you by Phil Collins

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, AND fuck. lol. Man..what the hell is going on?! I can never be happy for long..never. No, this entry is not going to be some "Let's all read about Stacey feeling sorry for herself crap." I am going to ramble & babble about last night, and then I am going to talk about my mood change.

Ok, so last night..after I wrote my entry, I watched some TV to wait and pass the time before my friend was supposed to come and pick me up to take me to the movies. I started watching True Life on MTV..it's about break ups but I forget the real title of it. It was about some girl named Jen, this guy named Clay, and their relationship..if you even want to call it that..it made me so angry that she put herself through so much shit..how she could have been so stupid. I couldn't even watch it at a certain point, cos I was yelling at the TV..lol. If any of you saw it, you know what I'm talking about.

My mom of course, decided to spend her time on here..so she made dinner in the last minute..and my friend ended up being late so we missed the Anger Management showing. :( So we got there, and in a last minute decision, decided to see "It runs in the family" with Michael Douglas, and Rory Culkin and all that. I was really disappointed, because a part of me wanted to see Anger Management..oh well.

It looked so corny, but we would have ended up walking into Anger Management when it already started. We got all our snacks and shit. God, there were soo many old people in there..because it WAS a movie catering to the older crowd. Eh..it was an OK movie. If I was grading it..prolly a C+..pretty average shtuff. Parts of it were funny..parts had me thinking..parts I related to and really understood..parts just made me want to yawn..lol. Not too bad. The ending was TERRIBLE though..it was one of those endings that leave you sitting there going "HUH?!" It left me hanging and confused, and not knowing what the heck is going on.

It was only a 2 hour movie. So me and my friend walked through the bookstore right next to the theatre, and I saw some CD's I wanted. Well, I had my cell phone with me..and I later found out my mom called, so I should have turned it on in the book store..oh well. I wasn't about to leave it on in the movie theatre. So we finally got sort of bored with that and walked around. As we were walking I heard some chick say hey to me and my friend..at first I turned around and said to myself "Who the heck is that?!" So I didn't say anything. But then I took a closer look, and realized it was this chick named Courtney who I haven't seen in like a year. It was nice to see her again.

Then, we drove around and shtuff..hung out at her house for a bit..the house is fricking HUGE as hell. I was looking around in amazement. She drove me home. And now..here I am. (: It was a pretty good night. It would have been better if those old people weren't choking in my face..lol. And I got a student discount. But me and my friend had a blast afterwords..she says I should come over in the future and we can chill by her pool and all that, after graduation. So that's cool. : )

I told my mom about my night and all that. Then when I got home..it was about 11. I was soo exhausted, so I just went off to bed. Then I woke up this morning around 5..yeah, I'm an early riser, if you haven't figured it out..lol. I woke up to POORING rain, and howling, gusty winds. I was smiling because I love that sort of weather on the weekend, or when I wake up. It soothes me, and helps me to sleep, helps me to think.

Hopefully, it won't rain out my plans to go to the Seafood Fest tomorrow, because I am looking forward to it. Today is just going to be one of those days where I am going to be online, or curled up with a book, and maybe trying to write poetry. Rainy days are the best for that. Man, I'm still sick. It's not so much my throat anymore, but more of my nose now. :( I sneezed a lot yesterday. My nose is getting all runny. So later on, I am going to have myself some good chicken noodle soup.

Oh..so why am I so down? *sighs* I couldn't be there last night, for Nate..when he really needed me. I think that's the first time this has ever happened. It hurts..to think I couldn't be the one to put that smile on his face, and make him feel better. That instead, I was out with a friend, having fun..when I could have been home making my boyfriend feel better. Which truthfully, is more important. My friend and I could always go to the movies. But this was different. And I wasn't there. I wasn't fucking there. That thought just keeps running through my mind, and I can't make it stop. I can't.

I wish I could have been home last night. Why?! On the night I finally go out, is the night my b/f is having a bad night, and needs someone to talk to. Why..god..WHY?! It feels like i've betrayed him in a sense. I know that's silly..and I prolly build everything up like a fucking drama queen. Good, go on and call me that..I just feel like I let him down. I fucking hate it. I hate it. I even feel BAD for actually having fun. I am glad someone ELSE was there, when I couldn't be..but I wanted it to be ME. Is that so wrong? Damn it.

The reason why this is huge, like I said this has never happened. I hate not being around..grr. He didn't have me to turn to..and I regret going out. *listens to the sound of thunder and rain in the background* Why are things ALWAYS changing?! I need stability in my life. Everyday, I feel like I am one step MORE toward growing up..it scares me..yet, sometimes I feel like I am moving one step back. Life just throws you so many curveballs, and you have to dodge them all, or else..you are going to sink, not swim. You're just going to be another face in the crowd..a person getting lost in everyday life..not being able to face, or handle things with grace.

I don't even know how I feel about certain things..because everyday SOMETHING is making me questioning it. The ONLY rock solid thing in my life, is Nate. And can I even say that with what is going on now?? I feel like the worst girlfriend in the world. There I go..going nutty again.

Ah shit. I am going to go..before I start getting all emotional. And I also better go, before this storm kicks me off here. Buh bye. If you want to know pretty much EXACTLY how I feel right now..check out endless-luv..there's a new entry on there about it.

"What we focus on determines what we miss -- and what we become."--Anon.

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

<< �� >>