In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Maybe I'm amazed by Paul McCartney

Good morning everyone. :) *yawns* So..you know the drill..onto my ramble about yesterday..

My math teacher wanted to talk to me yesterday. As soon as she called my name to come talk to her I was completely horrified. I was hoping to god that she wasn't going to tell me that I have to take the final, though I know in the back of my mind that I do. All she said, to my surprise was..that I should stay after school next Thursday to take the notebook test, and on that day we are taking a test in class. She asked me what lunch I have, and if I have a 7th hour and to let her know if I can either get out of part of my 7th hour or stay after school. :relief:

A lot of times, we just make something worse than it has to be in our minds..our minds really do play tricks on us. We build something up to our expectations, which just come crumbling down anyway. I am just glad I was wrong.

Yesterday, was better than Tuesday. I think in many ways it was, because I have such great friends that care so much about me. More than I even deserve at times. I'm so lucky, when it comes to friends. I've picked the best ones in this world. Thank you ALL. It all seems easier, when you have friends to lean on, and that you know have your back. That will put a positive spin on a bad day and make you feel like a princess. I love each and every one of you!!!!

After school, me and mom went out and got a few things. She told me that my dad wants to take pics of my graduation. Wtf?! He's going to be there. It's so funny how he was trying to suck up to me yesterday. Usually, then nicer people are to you, the more they want out of you. I know from experience..I've been used so many times in my life, that now I am very wary on people, and their intentions, and what they are expecting out of me. I wonder sometimes, if certain people want to be my friend, or just want to use me as a doormat and step all over me.

Like yesterday, how my friend An-Ha was trying to suck up to my other friend so she can buy her boyfriend something for prom. She was being so sugary sweet, and only for that purpose. It makes me SICK. :ugh: It was so obvious, and she was so transparent.

Guess what? I finally have a purse..heh, me. I'm not very girly, in the least. I'm not a tomboy, but I'm treading that middle ground pretty nicely. I was never the type to really care so much about my nails, or about my hair, or how I acted around a certain guy. I've always just been me. Not that there's anything wrong with that..it's just not who I am. In fact, I didn't start wearing make up until I was 14..bras..same time. I know none of you are interested about hearing that..lol..it's just something I felt like saying.

I've always been this late bloomer. The person to always do something after others. Hell, I didn't get my permit till last year!! I was always the last kid to do anything on the block, yet I was the oldest. I think it's because i've never approached anything with confidence. It's always taken me time to develop my own thing, carving out my own niche, my own place. I have this independence streak, YET ironically, at the same time I am very much the dependent type.

My mom would tell me how I learned how to swim, and ride a bike on my own. Sure, it took me a while but I did it, on my OWN. I've just always been the type that needs a lil push, and then I am more than capable of doing it on my own. I've just been afraid to spread my wings and do it myself first.

But anyway lol..the second to last Dawsons was last night. There were so many great, completely memorable lines from it. Like, what Joey said in the end of the episode when she was in Paris. It was interesting to see them filming the movie and all that. To see them when they were younger, and Joey would walk up Dawsons ladder, and they would lie in bed together and Joey told Dawson it wasn't a good idea to sleep in the same bed, because they were 15 and had hormones..lol. And now 5 years later, she's still walking up that ladder, and they are still sleeping in bed together.

Some things never change..heh heh. I am surprised they didn't give into sex MUCH earlier than they did..I mean, sex with each other. They waited so long. But i'll get to sex in a bit lol.

I was thinking of you, honey..at the end..when you see Jack and Jen at NYU. I nearly cried when they all said their goodbyes and Jen and Jack got in the taxi. Aww! :D And when Jen and Grams were talking on the porch and it was raining. It was nice of Pacey to re pay Dawson for the little bit of money he can get back. The scenes where they were trying to recreate Dawson and Pacey seeing Mrs Jacobs for the first time, was hilarious!! Patrick was a great Dawson. And then when Pacey was lying on the couch watching Soap Operas and he just had to watch Young and The Restless..lol.

The big surprise, was that chick coming back and asking for Pacey's #, and that Todd came back. I really don't like Todd, but he did good for Dawson. The look on Dawson's face when he saw all his friends in his room, with all the movie equipment is priceless. He has such great friends to help him THAT much with his dream, of making movies, and even is own mom fired him so he can work on his movie. Man, Audrey and Todd together was hilarious and when Joey took Patrick by the ears and said "I need 5 mins alone with him" and then he said "You don't know how long I've been dreaming of this" heh heh.

But the ending, was the best part. Hearing Joey's truly brilliant, wise views on life, and acceptance, and growing up, and friends, and reality.

I am truly going to bawl my eyes out next week. Bring on the kleenex!! lol. I am definitely taping it. 2 hours of goodness!!Why does it have to end?! :( Life's no fair, sometimes!!!

I missed A idol last night. Grr!! Can anyone tell me who went home last night? I was so caught up in Dawsons that I completely forgot about it.

Man, I nearly had a scare last night. I thought I lost my prom ticket, but I found it underneath all the papers and crap in here on the computer desk. I'm pretty much set. All I have to do is get the nail polish. I've decided against cutting my hair. My hair symbolizes many things, things I'm not sure I can get rid of yet. I'll just wash it. I am going to leave it down for prom, cos I hate it up..it looks like shit. Thanks Carly for your idea about the sunburn..I'm going to do that. :D

So, I've got my dress, my shoes, knee highs, my strapless bra..heh, my purse, my make up, cell phone, i'll have money for the limo, my prom ticket and all that shtuff. For jewelry, I am just going to wear a necklace. Nothing TOO fancy. I will have lots of pics for you guys. : )Like I said, I am not high maintenance, so all I am doing is putting some polish on..my nails are already cut, and make up of course, and washing my hair. Not TOO much. Oh, and no slow dances for me. :) I'm sitting those out. I am sure you are happy about that sweetheart..lol.

The plan is..I leave here around 5ish..me and my buddies go out for dinner..go back to someone's house to take pics, and then the limo comes at around 7:15, 7:30. Then we are off to the hotel on the beach tomorrow night. :) Oh, I have tomorrow during the day off because of prom. Then at midnight when it ends..I'm goin home!! No after parties for me. The only party I am having is in my dreams, when I'm lying in bed..lol. I will be dead tired by that time from all the dancing and shit. Just good ole fashioned fun. Oh god..I sound like I'm freaking 70..lol.

So, today..I have a English test..I have 2 tests in government today and a presentation. And I think that's aboot it. : )

Guess what?! I'm getting molested today..LOl. Well, not REALLY. The Yankees WHUPPED the Mariners 7-2!!! yeah!! Yankee pride, baby!!! They ROCK!!! I KNEW they'd bounce back.

Soo..me and Nate had this thing going where if the Diamondbacks win, I 'rape' him, and if the yankees win, he 'rapes' me. If both win or lose, than oh well..lol. So I am getting 'raped' today..lol. Hell yeah..bring it bunny!!!

Ok, since I mentioned sex there, I might as well talk about it..lol. I have my own thoughts and opinions on it all. Well, my feelings on it have pretty much all my life been..DON'T do that shit till you're married!! Save yourself till you go down that aisle, and don't give it up for just ANYONE. That your body is a temple, and sacred and only the worthy should be able to explore it. That it's so much more speshul when you lose it on your wedding night, to someone you KNOW you'll be with for the rest of your life, and that you KNOW you love with all your heart.

Now..I don't feel that way. My feelings..no, I am not saying everyone should wait for marriage OR have casual sex..cos in my opinion, casual sex is stupid..I don't get how people can just 'do it' without any feelings, or emotions attached. I always thought it was just this committment, this committment you make with someone you love. Now a days, people just screw, cos they are horny and shit. Making love is so underrated..sex is so overrated.

Ok, so my feelings..wait for the one you love. And if you've done it already, don't regret it. Just realize it's a part of your past you can't do anything about, or change. Everything happens for a reason. Being a virgin is such a great thing. I'm not saying that if you've had sex, you're less than a person..but many people associate virginity with being a 'prude' or not putting out..or being some kind of nun. I feel a person shouldn't be ashamed if they are. Instead, proud..that they waited, that they ARE saving themselves.

Hell..obviously I'm saying that because I am a virgin. Now, you can think whatever you want..but I'm not waiting until I'm married. I know I am with someone that I WILL be with forever..that loves, and cares about me as much as I love and care about him, and someone I will marry. So, I want to give myself to him. I don't want to give just my heart, and soul. I know he is worthy of my body. So it's his..I am willing to give it to him. To feel that intimacy. I am not saying I am going to rush into it, and just pounce on him the first opportunity I get..it will happen when I am ready. Just don't rush things folks!! Take your time. If you feel it's not for you, then speak up. The right person will understand. It doesn't make you a 'geek.'

I am fortunate to be with someone that will cherish me and my body. To give it up to someone you love, there's nothing better. And one day, we will. And I am sure I will be scared shitless, cos it's a big step..to me it's always been that ultimate step. BUT..I can't wait. To share that passionate thing with him..to have MORE of that connection.

Just make SURE, absolute SURE it's LOVE..not lust, not infatuation..but LOVE. Real, true love. It will make everything all the more worth while, and so good. Why am I talking about this? Well, it's been on my mind. Ever since my mom told me that she DIDN't wait for marriage. But she DID wait for love. I feel that's the best route to go. And she said she's been in love only TWICE in her life. She says she doesn't want to regret it. And I know I won't regret my first time either. Why?! Because I will be careful. When the time is right, It will happen.

And when it does happen, that will be between me and him. And it will happen sometime, someday. Till now, I am all good with being a virgin, and proud. I've just been taught to accept myself, and never be ashamed. So i'm not going to be.

I am sure you've had enough of this..lol. And I've been WAY too personal. But hey..it's a diary..a place to get out my feelings, to talk about what I want. So with that, I leave you for the day. Before I do..I am putting song lyrics up. Just something that's been on my mind lately. Adios.

" ... idealism is one of the greatest forces in the world. It makes seeming impossibilities possible and succeeds where prudence fails. But unless the idealist is brave and has the courage to face the truth, his idealism creates nothing." --Grenville Kleiser

Place In This World by Michael W Smith

The wind is moving but I am standing still

A life of pages waiting to be filled

A heart that's hopeful, a head that's full of dreams

But this becoming is harder than it seems

Feels like I'm

Chorus:

Looking for a reason, roaming through the night to find

My place in this world, my place in this world

Not a lot to lean on, I need Your light to help me find

My place in this world, my place in this world

If there are millions down on their knees

Among the many can You still hear me

Hear me asking where do I belong

Is there a vision that I can call my own

Show me I'm

Looking for a reason, roaming through the night to find

My place in this world, my place in this world

Not a lot to lean on, I need Your light to help me find

My place in this world, my place in this world

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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