In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: One by U2

Wow..LOTS..tons to write about. Where to begin? Yesterday was EXTREMELY emotional, in so many ways possible.

First off..in my second hour my teacher calls out my name, so I said "yeah" and he goes "So you're going on Friday..it's your last day, right?" I was really confused..and said.."What?! You mean presenting?" So he said "yeah." So I said "Umm..I didn't know I was supposed to present..you never told me a day to go, so I thought I didn't have to do it." So he ended up telling me that I DID have to do it. Doh Stacey!! So I asked him what he is going to do since he told me it's a HUGE chunk of my grade, so he said he'd base my final grade on what I did so far. I am so lucky to have a nice teacher like that. Any other teacher would just give me a 0 for it, and fail me considering it's worth 600 pts. I think it was just a misunderstanding, and no communication. So as Pacey said to Joey last night.."I am off the hook."

Then in fourth hour, we did our group test in Government. It was VERY hard. Luckily, my group members really worked as a team and helped each other out. I really wanted my friend Katie to sign my yearbook, but we weren't allowed at that time because we were taking a test and they would have been confiscated. We DID get a shitload of candy though. :OP Then, when we finished there was only 5 minutes left till we were going to leave the assembly, and Katie was talking to my teacher..so I had Juan sign it instead. Grr..I had to sit with him at the assembly because in the midst of him signing it, we were called down to go.

I ended up losing him on the way there..WITH my yearbook, and I heard my friend Katie say that it was going to be her last day and she wasn't coming back Friday..there IS no point to coming to school Friday anyhow. So now, no Katie..OR Nikki cos I heard her saying it was her last day too. Perhaps I can still get An-ha to sign it..but that's if I ever see her, which is doubtful. I REALLY want Liz and Jen to sign it too, since I've known them so long..but I never see them either. Ohh yeah..2nd hour I got Nayara, and this kid named Alexis to sign it, who said he'd miss me..awww!! :D

I was holding up emotionally..until we got to the assembly. Basically, when we walkes into the theater we saw boxes. We didn't know what they were, so my friend asked someone and the woman said it was our caps and gowns one day early!!! Man, I was ecstatic, but confused because we WERE supposed to get them today. So we took our seats in the back. They started it off by telling us some dates for us that were coming up, and shit. They brought up people on stage that were from the yearbook staff..and showed all the yearbooks from freshmen year, to this years. Then they had the "hall of famers" to come up to the stage and accept a rose, and told us what their accomplishments were, and what they did for their community and all that. My ONLY regret..I could have done more. All I did in school was just make my way through..pass..and then go home..and socialize in between. No extra curriculars, nothing. Oh well.

I am sure those students felt very good. And just hearing where they are going to College..WOW. Some girl even got accepted into Duke. It made me feel VERY average..not that there's anything wrong with that, I just wish I could have strived for better for myself at times, especially freshmen year. And one girl is even going to NYU. Dayuum. Like I said, still no crying..but when some kid said "YEAH CLASS OF 03!", a tear came from my eye for no reason.

So, then after ALL that..the slide show was about to begin. Aww man! Basically what it was was reminiscing on the last 4 years and showing students hanging with their friends, their memories, and shtuff all the way from freshmen year till now..and of course they had the SAD, graduation songs playing. I am trying to remember the songs in the background..oh yesh, they played "Time of your life (Good riddance)" By Green Day, "Graduation (friends forever)" by Vitamin C, "Here's to the night" by Eve 6..which made me shed some tears.."Closing time" by Semisonic, "Yesterday" by Boyz II men, "Yesterday" by The Beatles..which of course made me lose it like a baby..(LUCKILY it was dark in there), then "Memories" by Leann Rimes, and the BEST song out of them ALL.."Wonderwall" by Oasis. Man..I LOVEEE that song. When the lead singer started singing "And maybe..you're going to be the one that saves me.." I just kept crying, even harder..well silently sobbing. I can't help it that I can be VERY emotional. I MUST download Wonderwall. But the pics from the slideshow were great. :) A nice trip down memory lane.

Then, it ended..we were let out and to our 5th hours. I knew I was going to have to stand on a long line to get my cap and gown. Then, I ended up signing my friend Steph's yearbook. And her only comment to me was "You know..you're probably the most thoughtful person I've ever known." And my friend Julie said the same thing too. Those words didn't have as much of an impact yesterday, as they do now. I think that's probably the best word to describe me..Thoughtful.

Then my friend Christine started bugging me about the prom pics and how she wants to see them today..because I won't see her tomorrow since I think we are getting out early. God, it's so surreal. Tomorrow I will never see that school EVER again. I will never see some of those faces I pass by in the school, and just say hey to. I took it all for granted, I must admit..thinking that I was always going to have that.

It's so bittersweet. I don't know HOW to feel..happy because it's truly an accomplishment to graduate high school, and I am getting out if it and ready to begin a new chapter of my life..or sad because I am still letting go of it, and many people I now see all the time, I won't see anymore, and we are all going our seperate ways. I was privileged in my four years to make some GREAT friends. Sure, I hated some people..lost some friends along the way. But I will NEVER forget people like Jen, people like Julie who have been around since it all began.

Christine was also bothering me because she says I'm never online..riight..I just block people..lol. Yes, I'm an odd bird. Then we had so many laughs cos a chef came in, teaching us how to make a rose out of dough and I didn't know how to do it, so she helped me and we joked about the rose looking like shit and being a "dead rose." Like I said, now..just the full realization of graduation coming upon me, I realize how I don't want to leave some of these people. But I have to. It's time to move on.

So, then I saw Julie..we waited in line to get our caps and gowns. I peeked inside the bag and saw that they gave me a large cap..grr..are they trying to tell me I have a huge head?! lol. And NO cracks about that one, (or as Nate will be laughing ANY second)..your ass will be grass..lol.

I think it TOTALLY just hit me all at once when I received that bag with the cap and gown. It all suddenly became tangible, it became real. This is really it. All that hard work has payed off, and I am ending high school and moving onto the bigger and better. Like I said, that I will never roam those hallways again, see those faces, see the familiarity of it all the palm trees all around campus..leaning against the brick wall in the morning, smelling the cafeteria food as I walk past there, making a mad dash so I won't be late for every class, sitting in the library with julie and bridget..it's all gone..it's all over.

It's bothering me more than I could have ever thought possible. But I have no choice in it, I have to go..as much as I at the same time can't wait to get the hell out, and will miss it..I gotta leave it.

We took our 1984 test in english..it was SO easy. I got my friend Cheirley to sign my yearbook. What she wrote to me..truly blew me away. She told me that I was so kind, so soft spoken, so big hearted..and to never change. For some reason, I had to wipe the tears from eyes with the back of my palms when I read that.

Anyway, my mom gave my friend a ride home yesterday and we all had a nice chat. Then, I went home..talked to my bunny for hours, and then..it was the time I was dreading..time for Dawsons Creek. Ohh wait..before that..my mom sent me some forwards..I thought they were all a HUGE joke, until she told me that those were pics of Michelle, her mom, her grandfather, father, and brother. Michelle looks SO different. I showed Nate, but he said she looks ok. That's because he doesn't know what she used to look like. I was SHOCKED. She looks SO anorexic, and like a stranger. She actually looks like she's going to die any second. I've NEVER seen her look like that, EVER. She always was a tiny bit chunky, but healthy and had that glow of her. Now her bones are sticking out and shit. All I kept thinking was "Is this my ex best friend that I've known since Pre-k?!" I couldn't believe it. Meanwhile, her bro looks so old..he grew up a lot! :)

So anyway, Dawsons Creek was about to come on. The episode was EVERYTHING I could have ever asked for in a last episode. The hugest shock of the night, was Doug being Gay. I never saw that one coming. I thought that the beginning was so cute, with the TV show and all that. Joey's boyfriend seemed so jerky though. I don't want to completely say what happened ALL episode, because I will be sitting here ALL day. All I can say was I was doing fine emotionally..that is until Dawson got Jen out of the hospital in her wheelchair and video taped her talking to her daughter Amy. I just blubbered like a little baby. There were SO many, so many things you could have learned from that episode. I don't like the way it ended up, BUT..even though it was Joey and Pacey in the end, it's ALWAYS going to be Joey and Dawson. They are soulmates, he's her link to her childhood. It really is THEM forever.

I can't believe the show is over. Just 5 years out of my life sitting in front of the TV on Wednesday nights at 8. It's all over. It's so surreal. I didn't even get to tape it either. :( But I will get to watch it in September and they are showing it again on May 28 at 8, so maybe I can tape it then. When it ended I just looked at the TV and waved goodbye, and you guessed it..cried again. That tv show was a HUGE chunk of my life for the last 5 years. It feels like that little piece of my life is gone. I knew Jen was going to die though..I saw it coming.

Pacey was an idiot to be fooling around with that older woman..in a way, he deserved to get punched. The episode was like I said just the way I wanted it to be. Poor Amy though..but at least she has Jack, who will be a good father. Ah..many memories. That show is ALWAYS going to have a special place in my heart.

If you want a FULL explanation of all of DC, just ask me. I saw a bit of A idol and saw Justin Guaranni singing "Unchained Melody." I think he did even better than Clay singing it. Damn it..Kim L was sent home. :( I liked her a lot. So now it's only Clay and Ruben left. GO CLAY!!! I think he'll make it big.

Ohh..so I tried on my cap and gown. The cap's a bit big. Ohh..it's all black. I thought EVERYONE'S cap and gown was black, but my bunny proved me wrong on that one. The tassel is cute of course, but we only get to keep the cap and the tassel. The gown is HUGE, and I am going to wear my homecoming dress on under it.

So today is my math test, I have to hand in my math book, and then tell my math teacher that I am staying after school to take my notebook test, and hopefully I can get Debbie to sign my yearbook. Today is Sommer's birthday captivated- so wish her a happy one!!! It's also my cousins (twins) Dawn and Karen's b-day so I'll prolly have to call them and wish them a happy b-day. They are 29..god, time just flies.

Everyone most importantly..show Nat missdove some love. She REALLY needs it right now. She's going through a lot, and it's so important that she knows that people care about her, and are there for her guiding her through everything. She's so wonderful. Just do it for me. :O) It would bring me mucho happiness.

Anyway, hopefully I can get a ride home tomorrow from a friend since we are leaving early, I think. That's it for today. This has been long enough. To the cast of DC..thanks for allowing me to grow up with you, and for being the best, most inspiring, most influential show I've seen in my 17 years. God bless..rock on..and best of luck with your movie careers!!

Sweetie..I'll talk to you later. I will be home a little later than usual like I said, but I'll still here. I am going to look through my pics later to find some to send you. I love you!!!!

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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