In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Baby I love your way-Big Mountain

I just did a very LONG entry and lost it so I have absolutely no desire to write now. Oh screw it..I'll write anyway. I'm SO stupid sometimes..I should have just wrote the entry on another document first. *%&!# DAMMIT! I never learn. This one, is going on a document first. I don't want that happening again.

Anyhoo, I have a feeling I'm getting sick. :( I was sneezing quite a bit yesterday & my throat is a bit sore. God, I hope I'm wrong. :/ I just had no ambition to get up this morning. Like, it was a struggle to get out of bed.

It rained all day yesterday, which was expected. That was nice since it matched my mood. *Sigh* Sure, it was gloomy and dismal but I loved it. I was just sad and lonely all day pretty much. The rain makes me think of cuddling with Nate..how much I need his warmth, his touch, his kiss..I need it like oxygen. Ah well, pretty soon I'll have it. =) I hope 50 first dates is still out when we're together..I want to see it with him really badly. No rain today, maybe that's a good thing. I can't figure myself out sometimes..when I get what I want, I suddenly don't want it anymore. I don't know WHAT I want at times. I guess I'm just complicating.

Yesterday was OK..I spent most of the day just listening to the rain, listening to the radio, watching the Real World I missed & watching Dirty Dancing. Gotta love that movie. =) Today my mom has training..it's her last day so I'll be alone with my dad since he was off last night. Shooot me! lol. I just hope there's no drama. I hate drama with a passion. Speaking of passion, in a way I want to see "The passion of the christ." Just cos it's so controversial and seems so poignant and graphic. I'm curious like the rest of the world to see if it lives up to it's hype..lol.

The TV shows were great last night of course. American Idol shocked me. I was REALLY expecting Leah to be in the top 3 since she did an amazing rendition of "I have nothing". But she wasn't and was crying her eyes out. :( Latoya was (no surprise there), Amy, and Jon. Jon was the surprise there. I guess he just has a lot of fans. So, it ended up being Latoya and Amy making it to the next round. I thought that Elizabeth & Leah got robbed though. I'm looking forward to Uncut, Uncensored, Untalented on Monday..with William Hung. "She bangs, she bangs!" LOL That STILL makes me laugh.

Anyhoo, I missed South Park but saw a bit of Newlyweds..*shakes head* Jessica is SO spoiled. But the big story of the night is The Bachelorette. She picked Ian. She seemed VERY torn though. Ugh! Girl, what are you thinking?? lol. Nah, Ian is a lot like her..they are both really adventurous, travelers, worldly, spontaneous and they have a very strong physical chemistry. Matthew is very stable (Ian is NOT stable), caring, would take care of her, protect her, not make her worry about a thing, love her and treat her with dignity and respect. In my opinion, those are the best and most important qualities a guy or ANYONE can have. He would have made the perfect husband and father..to someone else. They were just 2 totally different guys. Her family seemed to like them both a lot but Matthew had the upper hand. Ultimately, it was her decision though. I KNEW that when Matt got out of the limo first, that he'd be canned. :( Also I knew there was going to be a "but.."

I can't believe she just let him walk out that door. He's so rare..there's not many like him out there. He's a once in a lifetime. He would have given her that fairytale, storybook love but Ian is like her prince charming. He prolly makes her feel like a giggling adolescent. I think Matthew handled himself very well around her and didn't make her feel guilty for choosing Ian. But obviously when he got in the limo, he broke down. He was feeling vulnerable and he put himself on the line and basically gave her his heart and entire being and she gave him nothing in return so of course that would hurt. I know how it feels, I've been there. I can see how he'd feel like he was a fool but I think he'll just learn from this that next time he shouldn't totally put himself and his heart out there cos that is just how you get hurt. My heart went out to him. :( It came down to the fact that Ian and Meredith have SOMETHING there. I'm not sure what but they have one of those unspoken, and strange connections. She had the stronger feeling for him. He sweeps her off her feet and makes her feel alive. We all need that. I feel that way when Nate and I are together, so I can relate.

I am SHOCKED that he proposed since he was struggling with it all night. He's so romantic *sarcasm*..he looked at her and said "Do you think we'll make it?" She said yes so he got down on one knee and said "Will you?" If I were her, I would have been a smartass and said "Will I what?" lol. Of course, she accepted. I can't see them being together years down the road but they claim they are soulmates and I can tell she's falling for him. She has such a glow when she's around him. Good for her. Maybe she did pick the right one for her. Matthew will be fine..I know he's crushed but he'll find the right girl for him that will be worthy of him and deserve who he is & what he has to offer. His heart will mend and he'll love again. I'm looking forward to After The Final rose tonight. :)

I can think of more to say but this has been long enough & I just don't feel like it. So, I'm gonna go eat. I hope you all have a fabulous thursday! <3

"No amount of water can quench the fire of love."

Baby..It was so great hearing your voice last night. =) Thank you for making me smile and laugh when I so desperately needed it. I can't wait to talk to you! I love you so much.

PS: Karen is getting the dog I mentioned on Saturday. :)

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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