In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Here without you- 3 Doors down *sigh*

Wowie. It seems like I have a lot of time to update this morning. I got up pretty early cos I wanted to make sure that I'd have enough time to read updates and write one myself.

Yesterday was just..ugh..freaking bad. I was an emotional roller coaster the whole day pretty much and just really sad & depressed feeling like the world is crumbling beneath me. I was feeling 'blah' for a good chunk of the day. I just hate being zapped of energy and my emotions being toyed with. But hey, what was I expecting..to actually have a good day on a Monday?? ha! I was just pondering something yesterday..that I think I know a lot sometimes, but that in life we all can't know everything so there's always more to learn, always more to know and that has a habit of making things confusing & overwhelming..to try to be the best & do the best..to meet up to expectations you place on yourself and others. That's pressure packed. I do know though that there's a reason for everything & a reason for why people do what they do. Sorry about that little tangent..I've just been in a pensive mood lately.

I'm happy for my mom..she's really piecing her life back together and getting back into real estate which is something she used to do. She's really trying hard and putting forth her best effort to turn things around and for that, she definitely gets my respect. Kudos! She's actually going for the training all week. She can be SO annoying sometimes..I know she means well, but I'm always questioned about everything. As for Karen, yesterday Sheila helped her unpack so right now she's in the adjusting/settling in process. I'm sure she'll get used to her new apt in no time. My dad had to get a root canal so he wasn't really in the best of moods. And then some shit went down with the taxes so that pushed him over the edge. It doesn't take much for that to happen however. Thank GOD he went back to work last night.

Obviously, I didn't do anything too exciting yesterday. I just can't wait for this crap to be over so I can start going out again and live my life as opposed to just feeling weak and defenseless. I need to make something of myself, of my life..that could be part of why I am depressed..people are out there doing something great and at times, I feel like I just exist in this world instead of really living. Like life is passing me by sometimes. That has gotta change. Well, the Inferno was good last night. The outcome was exactly what I thought it would be. In a way I kind of dare I say admire Trishelle for standing up to Coral like that. Coral can be verry intimidating. Next week is a 'hook up' episode. Real World is having one of those tonight. Woo..American Idol tonight. I've been waiting since last week for it. :D Yay!!

Today I will prolly spend resting too..until around the end of the week when I feel better to go out again. Nate & I talked yesterday. I was a moody one on the phone though..and when I get moody, I get REALLY silent. :( I just hope today is a better day is all. I felt SO lonely yesterday. I hate dwelling on it cos thinking about it just makes me want to get really emotional so I'm trying to think of other things. I need the person I love BY my side. August can't come soon enough. I can't wait til we can just be together for good. It's just..really rough to deal with..hard to just go by seeing each other every so often and then leaving each other, going back to reality after having the time of your life but I try in the best way that I can to deal with it is all. Well the bright side is..no mom tonight or this morning so I'll have some tranquility.

That's it from me..I'm gonna do a survey and post this entry up on LJ. I hope you all have a wonderful day. *Hugs*

FAVORITES

color: Green

shape: stars

sign of affection: kissing and touching

food:pasta, chicken, ribs, chinese

drink: root beer

season: autumn

emotion: love

brand of clothing: don't have one.

single music artist: Michelle Branch.

group: Lifehouse.

movie: Now and Then.

sibling(s): none.

relative: I'd say Karen.

shoe: adidas.

scent: cool water..what my baby wears.

*FIRSTS

first memory: i couldn't tell ya.

first school: ps 52.

first love: tim. i wouldn't say first 'true love' but I FELT like i was in love at the time.

first major loss: my grandma back in 92'.

first broken heart: goes back to tim again.

*LASTS

last word spoken: "good night" (to Nate)

last thing eaten: chinese food.

last thing touched: keys on keyboard.

last hug: Nate

last good cry: yesterday for countless reasons.

last fight: yesterday.

last show watched: the inferno.

last movie watched: here? dirty dancing.

last self-destructive act: cant think of any. i choose not to harm myself.

*THE PRESENT

wearing: jamas

eating: nothing

drinking: nothing

singing: nothing

see: my monitor

talking to: no one

thinking of: Nate

wishing: many things.

*DREAMS

car: mustang. not ideal, but dream, yes lol.

job: psychologist.

# kids: 2 or 3.

location: nevada would be great, but wherever I end up, I don't care as long as I am with Nate.

*EITHER OR

black/white: white

old/new: new

leather/lace: leather

phone/internet: internet

movies/drive-in: movies

piercing/tattoo: tattoo

song/dance: song

cat/dog: cat

gold/silver: gold

jeans/khakis: jeans

pen/pencil: pen

cd/mp3: cd

VHS/DVD: vhs..only cos I don't have a DVD player.

food/drink: either.

light/dark: light

good/evil: it depends on my mood.

love/hate: love

laughter/tears: laughter

hands/feet: hands

*Have you ever...

been in love? yep

cried when someone died? yeah

lied? mmmhmmm

fallen for your best friend? yep. :/

rejected someone? yeah..and i felt bad but it's a part of life.

used someone? i think we all have at one time or another.

been cheated on? for sure.

done something you regret? again, we all have.

*What they call you

First name: Stacey

Name your father wanted to give you: Marc if I was a boy. They both agreed on 'Stacey'.

Name your mother wanted to give you: same

Has anyone of the same gender as you ever asked you to go out with them?nope, thank God

Have you ever asked anyone of the same gender as you to go out with you? no thanks.

Do you own a dreamcatcher? yes. :) thanks to Nate.

Who is the most uneducated person you know? me lol. nah, seriously i dunno.

What would you do if you awoke to find yourself tied to your bed and completely naked? if a certain someone is tying me to the bed then i'd smile...;) heh! I AM BAD! lol. *blushes*

Who is your daddy and what does he do? haha thats a funny question... how am i supposed to take that!? :p

Do you own a gold scarf? uhh no :/

Were you ever a cowboy for Halloween? no

Have you ever baked anything? no..that would be a total disaster.

Has anyone ever called you 'cute'? yeah

Have you ever peed your pants in a public place? no

Is your favourite color blue? no.

Nicknames: stace, stacerz, roonatic, stace-away and many, many more lol.

Birthday: sept 10, 1985.

Sex: female

Where do you live: hell = fl.

School: graduated. going to college elsewhere. =D

Hair Color: brown

Hair length:long

Eye Color: brown

Height: 5' 7"

Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous? lefty.

Goal in Life: to be a psychologist.

Are you religious? nooo. spiritual, yes.

*Family

Parents names: eileen & steve.

Do you have any siblings? no.

What are their names?

Are your parents divorced/remarried/single? married..dammit!

Do you like your family? not really, no.

*Future

How old will you be when you graduate high school? I was 17.

Are you going to get married? yes.

Are you going to have children? yup yup... someday

If yes, how many? 2 or 3 at the most. we discussed this already. :P

Do you want to go to college? yep, yep..will when I get to AZ.

Which college:

*Social Life

Are you the center of attention? no, and i don't wanna be.

What's your idea of a dream date? a walk on the beach, under the stars and moonlight..mmm...having a picnic..cuddling and maybe doing some more 'things'. ;) LOL.

*More Favorites

Restaurant: rotelli.

TV shows: american idol, real world, reba, surreal life, 7th heaven (shush) lol, the inferno, friends, newlyweds, the bachelor/ette..those are the current ones.

Holidays: valentine's day, independence day, new year's.

Flower: roses and carnations.

Place to be: anywhere w/ Nate.

Number: 23

Thing to say in a foreign language: shit, i am not fluent in anything lol.

Fruits: strawberries and peaches.

Ice cream flavor: anything with chocolate in it

cookie flavor: ditto lol

*My Love Life

Who was your longest relationship? Nate..16 months and counting. :D In 4 days, it will be 17 months!

Shortest? mike.

Who was your first love? i already answered this dang crackit!

*Have you ever...

Been Drunk: nah

Skinny dipped: mmmm no

Stole: yeah.

Stayed up all night on the internet: no, even i'm not that bonkers lol.

Cried over a guy: god yeah. been there, done that..still doing that..lol.

Been in a fist fight: no.

Fell off a chair: hehe clumsy me.

Do you speak a foreign language: no senor..lol.

Are you clumsy: god yeah. i'm an accident waiting to happen.

Broken any bones before: no. :)

Are you listening to music: yes

Do you prefer coffee or tea: coffee

Have you walked into a door before?: no.

Most embarassing moment: i've had quite a few.

One thing that irritates you: mean people.

Are you a good student: yeah. I got all a's & b's in school.

Have you sung in the shower? yep.

Have you hugged a stranger? no.

Have you learnt from any mistakes? yeah

Do you like your handwriting? no, it could stand to be improved.

Are you picky? Is the sky blue? YES, I'm picky!!! lol.

What makes you cry? when I hurt someone I love without meaning to. like the other day...

Do you believe in God? I have mixed feelings on this question.

If you could live anywhere else, where would you live? wherever... as long as its with Nate. but once again, Nevada is definitely on my list.

Current Mood: VERY tired, pensive.

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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