In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Just another day by Jon Secada..*sighs*

Hey! How is everybody? I want to thank you guys for your KIND words about my grandma. You guys actually made it all easier to deal with. However, I have to ask you guys a favor once again and I will keep asking until more people do this..even if you DON'T know my Nate , can you just PLEASE, please write him and just let him know you're there. I'd be forever thankful, and he would as well. It's really hard on a person when they feel like they don't have much support.

Anyway, I had such a great day yesterday talking to Nate almost alll day and it was so nice, it really was. We barely ever get to do that because he's in school during the week, and I'm usually out on weekends, so I really enjoyed it. :) I am glad nothing is seriously wrong with him because that was my greatest fear.

Besides talking to Nate, I watched the Season Premiere of 7th Heaven last night. Woww..MAJOR drama is brewing right now and lurking on the horizon. I know MANY people don't watch it, so I'll spare you and won't summarize..lol..but it's a very different show now..very interesting actually. I saw the finale of Road Rules as well..yep, they won the mission and the six Subaru's. They struggled at first, but then exhibited teamwork. There was tension, but in the end they all came together and accepted one another and took some lessons away from the whole thing and felt stronger for going through all of it. They were saying how Road Rules is a metaphor for life..that you can make it through anything, and if we all come together we'll be stronger as a whole. That, your abilities sometimes need to be tested so you can be the best you can be, to break out of the bubble you keep yourself in and try something new.

Tonight is the new Real World and Nick and Jessica..I am wayy behind on Nick and Jessica and Real World cos I missed some episodes. :(

There's some majoorrr tension around here..you can cut it with a knife. My mom's on edge, cos my dad is home and she's pissed about the committee they are going to tonight for my dad's speeding ticket crapola. I KNOW a fight is looming on the horizon. She's taking it out on me..I'm the scapegoat..the easy target. I told her not to blow things out of proportion and not to make a huge deal out of something that isn't cos then she'll make herself miserable. Her response "Don't you dare tell me what to do..", "NO ONE tells me what to do.." Can anyone say bitch? Geezus christ..she says I am ordering her around..wtf? ugh..

Obviously, what I said is something she doesn't want to hear..oh well cos she needs to hear it. I think at times when I give out advice, it does seem like I'm bossing people around but I just mean well and have good intentions which at times, gets lost in the mix. Fuck it..I told her I am not going to tell her anything anymore, and let her life go down the tubes. I give up. If she wants to stay in a horrible marriage, let her..my attempts to make things better have failed, so again let her continue ruining her life if that's what she wants to do. She just over dramatizes EVERYTHING and criticizes, and nitpicks. I am trying to change that part of my personality, so much because in a way, I don't want to end up like her. Sometimes she can be so cool, other times I just want to choke her to death. BOTH of them are so negative.

Argh..anyway, on a brighter note Karen got to see the doctor. Her nose is still stuffed but she got some medicine for it, and got it checked out. She has a sinus infection. Hopefully she'll be ok.

Well besides talking to Nate, mm I had some salad for lunch and chinese for dinner and listened to some music before Road Rules came on. We lit a candle for my grandma's memory.

It's so nice out once again..:) I'm just steering clear of my mom today, even though she wants to go out with me. This is going to sound nasty..but the woman needs to get laid! That will put a smile on her face..lol. I'm gross, I know but gosh, she blows hot and cold.

When I talk to Nate, it's like all of my problems have disappeared and I don't see gray skies..I see sun, and happiness and rainbows. I see fuzzy bunnies running around a field..lol. By the way, I am the one who started the bunny thing..anyway..I just miss him all the time when we aren't talking. He's the light in my darkest hours and I can't thank him enough for all he has done, for all he is, and for the love he continually gives me everyday. Everyday, I fall more and more in love with him. <3

Of course, my mom is on my ass about a job again and talking to Nate everyday. She says "I need to look for a job soon before she starts getting angry." Guess what? You can kiss my furry ass mom! lol. "I can't let talking to Nate consume me". *rolls eyes* I think she's also pissed because she wants to go out today, and again, I talk to Nate everyday. It's a fucking struggle..if I wasn't here, I could SEE Nate everyday..I wouldn't have to endure all this bullshit..I could get a job and come home to Nate everyday. :(

ARGHHHHH..I don't WANT to be here. Why the hell do me and Nate have to be 2 fucking thousand miles apart?? I'm not even remotely happy here..the times I was extremely happy was when I was around Nate, by his side..I need that ALL of the time..just getting lost in him, his touch, everything about him.

It's a fucking nightmare being here, under the same roof with these people that I at times, loathe. It seems like life is just throwing shit at me that I can't deal with. Calgon, take me awayyyyyyyyyyy.

Well, I am going to go before I really start writhing with anger. I'm already annoyed enough as it is. I just wanna flyyy like a bird, get away from this life and start a life with Nate. I want to talk to Nate, but I have a feeling we won't get to talk till tonight. I hope you guys have a good day today..I doubt I will. :/ Buh bye..lots of love!

"I don't want to say it..I don't wanna find another way..make it through the day without you..I can't resist trying to find exactly what I miss, it's just another day without you..."

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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