In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Crazy by Javier

Hey. Have you ever had one of those days you hope to NEVER re-live in your life? That was yesterday for me..probably one of the worst days I've had in a long time, and that's not an exaggeration on my part. It was a NIGHTMARE.

The day started out badly and got worse and worse and worse. Anyway, so I ate breakfast and then, yeah she was bitching at me so I had to get dressed and write my fuzzy bunny to let him know I wouldn't be around at the usual time. It KILLED me though. :( I walked outside and asked her where she wanted to go. She said she didn't know but just wanted to go out. We decided to go to the park.

First, we went to my aunt's house to water her plants and all that stuff, since she's away. Of course, her annoying friend was outside waving at us..I just rolled my eyes..heh heh. So, we took care of that and my mom called my cousin to invite her to come with us. She turned it down because she was starting her period and had to go to Miami for something.

We went to KFC to lunch..mm good shtuff. THEN..on the way out of there my mom nearly got into an accident. Someone that was crossing over from somewhere else, cut in front of my mom and was telling her to go, and LUCKILY my mom didn't speed up and go, or else CRUNCH. My mom was in such a bad mood as it is..she was nearly ready to cuss the woman out. Then we went to the park. HERE'S where it got bad..we put our chairs down in the shade, and then all of a sudden we see this boat and this guy kind of near the boat alll the way out in the water yelping "HEELLLPPPPP", over and over again. We looked around and his arms were flailing, and we didn't know what the heck to do. My mom can't swim, and me..I can't swim in deep water, I panic and plus it was so far out and there are probably alligators out there or whatever.

We felt really bad, and at first started to ignore it and then it looked like some people were trying to save him because after a while we didn't see him in the water. But then we heard an ambulance come, there were several really, and a helicopter started circling the area like crazy. We didn't get why, because we thought the guy had been rescued. Anyway, again we felt guilty for just sitting around, frozen while people were trying to help, but really..what could have we done? So, we left..the ambulances were still there, along with the sheriff and helicopter. So later on on the news we found out that people were still searching for the guy, but they think he sunk..obviously.

My mom feels so horrible..I do too but again, we wouldn't have been much of a help. We didn't get to follow through on it, but it would be a MIRACLE if he was alive. It's terrible that we had to witness that and I don't know WHY but I had a sixth sense that we shouldn't have went out..ANYWHERE.

We left and couldn't figure out where to go so we took a little drive around the beach and then went to 7-11. Aww I heard "You are" on the radio right around the area me and Nate were in. Anyway, we decided to go to the mall. My mom was having problems with her phone, so she bitched out the phone company. It turns out too, that I need to bring my phone into the store because it has old software on it which is why it was acting so odd in Miami, and if I don't get it upgraded, I'll have no service after a while. Then she starts bitching about her complexion and everything in her life so I yelled out "Stop complaining and DO something about your life!!" So she said she knows she has to get moving and next month she'll be more productive..of course, some comments were thrown in there about my un-employment at the moment. She has NO faith in me at all..can you believe when we were at my aunt's house watering the plants she CORRECTED what I was doing?? How hard IS it to water a plant? My god. She made me feel so..dumb. When I told her she has no faith in me her reply was: "Because you have no faith in yourself.." I was just ready to STACEY SMASH.

We got to the mall..we got into a bit of a fight in the parking lot because I left crumbs in the car from eating and she said I was increasingly becoming annoying, so I said she was too and she said "Let's just go home then, I'd rather get my phone checked out anyway.." So I said "no..we'll go to the mall.." I went into the CD store..looked for Lionel Richie "The Definitive collection". It ended up being TWENTY fricking dollars..waayy too expensive so I am going to look for it in Best Buy.

We walked around the mall and then got into ANOTHER fight..which had to do with my shyness. I really don't want to go into explanation but she ended up walking off, not telling me where she was so I ended up walking out to the parking lot..she wasn't there so I walked back in and finally saw her. Her first comments to me were "I'm an 18 year old, with the mentality of an 8 year old..." Ooh that got me PISSED. She then proceeded to tell me that I need to grow up, but am not ready to, and I am just too timid and afraid to confront anyone and I need to get out of the shell I've created for myself and I need more confidence. All I could do was sit there, trying not to get into a rage so I didn't say anything.

She needs to look at herself before she makes those comments because a lot of the time she doesn't do things or act so "grown up." She obviously was just TRYING to push my buttons and get to me..she did a great job of that. So we drove home in silence, in the pooring rain. Ohh yes..on the way home from the mall we NEARLY hit a truck. We were thisclose to hitting it. The truck did it's sharp turn and my mom swerved out of the way..nearly gave me a heart attack and I saw my life flash before my eyes.

She went online..I watched TV until she let me online. I checked all your updates, and that's when we saw that stuff on the news. Stuff like that just makes you wonder why people fight over the most petty, idiotic things. In the grand scheme of life, what you're fighting about a lot, holds no importance. She said she keeps hearing his voice yelling help. I kind of laughed it off, not because it was funny but that's just my coping tool.

After that, she went to get the pizza for dinner. I ALWAYS turn my phone on when she's away, but for some reason this time it just didn't hit me to do so. It took her a looong time to get home and she didn't get back till 6:50..TEN minutes before her and my dad would have to go to the grievance committee. So my dad starts BITCHING her out, yelling and screaming that there's so much aggravation in his life..*rolls eyes*..it's ALWAYS about him and she told him she got lost somehow and was trying to get through but because I was on the computer and didn't have my phone on, she couldn't.

So OF COURSE we sit down to eat..my mom starts yelling at me cos I didn't have my cell phone on..and at this time they are BOTH on edge because of the events of the day, and the committee meeting they didn't want to go to. So I told my mom it's not my fault and she shouldn't blame everything on me. Of course my dad pipes in and says it is because she couldn't get through..so I mumbled sorry..and again, we ate in silence..but they did yell at each other once. I was ready to just take a knife and stab them BOTH at this point. I know my mom was annoyed about going because he wouldn't go if it had been HER speeding..heh heh.. I was so mad at my mom too for taking me away from Nate. IF I had been online talking to Nate, I could have avoided all that crap that went on in the beginning of the day..but noooo she just HAD to have her way.

So, they ate fast..I told my mom i'd leave my phone on..they slammed the door and left. I was soooo happy to have some PEACE and be alooone but then my mom calls and tells me she needs my dad's Post Office ID..so she came back, I gave it to her and they left yet again. WOoo hooo! :) I didn't have too much time to myself, however..but I did get to be online for a bit again. They came home an hour later.

I asked my mom what happened. GUESS what? It turns out that my MOM was the one who had been speeding and they saw her with me about three weeks ago and followed her, and clocked her going 45 miles an hour and copied down her license plate number. Of course, NEITHER of us remember if she was speeding or not since it was 3 freaking weeks ago. She said she'll find out in a few days if she's going to get fined again. She was for SURE it was my dad speeding, so now I am sure she feels like an idiot..lol. Of course, she is outraged. It seems obviously, they have something against her and now she has to be careful because they know what car she drives and they can ALWAYS say she was speeding EVEN if she wasn't, so she nas no say. The security here SUCKS. She said she's nearly ready to move, just because of them. It's so unfair. They are NEVER around when something important happens. They are so sneaky with their radar guns..they can get you whenever they want and they send letters out so late JUST so you can forget if you were speeding or not. What a fucking bunch of idiots. My mom said she'll try to put it behind her now. Hopefully they won't fine her again. What's more important..someone getting killed or someone speeding? Goddammit. Of course, my dad told my mom off about it. My mom just needs to be cautious now.

So then I watched some TV, after talking to her. I saw a little on the tribute of John Ritter and watched "Becoming as.." John Duprey did a GREAT job as Frank Sinatra. He sounded JUST like him, and looked like him too.

Then I caught up on last week's real world before calling Nate. I called Nate at 10, watched a bit of the new Real World, and we had an interesting convo that lasted two hours. Of course, I was tired as fuck..you can hear it in my voice and upset and emotionally drained at the events of yesterday. I looved talking to him last night though, as always. (K) He made me feel better..that was the ONLY good thing about the day, and highlight of my day, really.

Like I said, we hung up around 12 and I went to sleep. I had an ODD dream that there were shells and rocks on my face..I looked it up and it says shells means I put up defenses for my emotions which to me, is veryyy true, obviously.

So anyway, I woke up around 6..read updates of course, wrote you guys and then my mom woke up and told me she has her period. NO WONDER why she was so crabby yesterday, but she said she meant every word she said to me. So I sarcastically said "gee..thanks.." She asked me if I wanted to go to breakfast with her and my cousin so I said "no..I need to do an entry.." so of course, she had to say something about me being too attached to this site..well dammit..without this site I'd go INSANE. I can say what I feel, what I'm going through and it helps a lot..I need it. Poor pumpkin was wheezing this morning. :( He has had sinus problems for a while and sometimes he has wheezing attacks.

Again, my mom starts talking about changing her life and blah blah blah. She told me I never feel like eating breakfast with her and my cousin..well yeah, I think it should just be their thing. I'd rather just keep to myself. Yes, I realize I'm really good at distancing myself from people. It's a horrible habit, makes people think I don't like them, which isn't true. I need to do something about THAT and my jealousy issues.

So, she left and here I am. Tis a nice day once again..luckily we aren't going anywhere because she feels 'blah' so this SHOULD be a drama free day. Hopefully as my sweetie said last night that today will be a hell of a lot better.

I was doing a lot of thinking last night..like maybe I distance myself to test how people feel about me, like whether they truly like me or not and I feel if they pursue me, they like me. I'd rather not do the pursuing though I know I have to sometimes. I feel like lately, I've been the one pursuing because I just need that acceptance and NOW I feel like I won't get it, if I DON'T pursue. YET I don't know how people TRULY feel about me, still at times. I know I am an odd ball..(aren't we all?) I at times, sell myself short though. I just feel alone sometimes, even if in reality I know I am not..I can't explain it.

Well, I'm gonna go shower. Thank GOD I get to talk to Nate in a few hours. :) I better turn my cell phone on so my mom doesn't have another fit. Argh. Have a great HUMP day ya'll! Hopefully I will too. Thanks to those who write me, and make me smile on a daily basis. Thank you to the people who have been writing my baby, it means soooooo much to us in this world.

All my love, Stace

"You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."<--soooo true.

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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