In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Perfect by Smashing Pumpkins

Hey..I hope you guys had a good weekend. Mine was good for the most part, the exception being yesterday. It sucked the big one.

It was just a really boorrringgg day. I mean, of course it was nice talking to Nate as it always is but other than that, not eventful, not exciting ONE bit. My mom slept the day away, as did my dad. My mom's still REALLY sick, might need surgery and my dad FINALLY went back to work. Moving on..I swear, I'm so damn paranoid. I always think people are talking about me behind my back, even if they aren't. Or I think they hate me and are being nice to me out of obligation. Blah.

I had an extremely disturbing dream last night about old friends. We were all in a movie theater, ALL the people I was friends with and I don't remember much beyond that except we were all in the same row, but I know I did feel like an outcast. God, why am I finding it so hard to let go of all of it? All those feelings have translated into the present and a lot of times, I don't feel wanted. Maybe that's why I've always craved love and romance, because I know no matter what, that I am needed and wanted and I just like anyone else, need to feel useful and important and I really haven't been feeling that way lately. *sighs*

Eck, I meant to take a shower last night but I wasn't in the mood. Instead I watched the E Hollywood true story on Janet Jackson and shortly after called it a night so I can catch up on my Zz's. I really hope this week is good. I just need to get away from it all, I don't know. Maybe i'm just pmsing? Who knows. The only thing I am excited for at the moment is Me and Nate's anniversary tomorrow. :) Beyond that, I'm just not digging myself at the current moment. If you asked me what I think of myself, I'd probably be able to tell you more flaws about me, than strong points. *sigh* I don't know what's wrong with me..all I know is I feel really empty inside, really broken.

After I eat, I'm going to shower and listen to some music..the music is prolly going to pull me further down into the funk I am currently in. Then me and Nate are talking..and thus, my daily routine is beginning. Of course, I'm watching my inspirational stuff, maybe even Dawson's Creek. I'm fickle, I can't stick with one thing too long, or maybe I'm not because a lot of things in my life have been consistent. Me and life are just not getting along right now, we're going head to head. I want some comforting arms around me, holding me tight, making me feel safe and protected, and loved and I don't have it right now and it sucks beyond everything.

Well, I am going to go..my gift with words has failed me and it's hard to find the right words to capture my thoughts right now, to capture my feelings, to capture me in an essence. I feel like if I sat down and tried to pick those words, they wouldn't come out right or in the way I hope. To me, this is like a jumble of just crap. Hopefully these words will do these feelings I have some justice. Have a great week everyone. *hugs*

PS: I found a backup template just in case I get tired of this one.

Oh, and here's my birth number and what it says about me....

>># 6 - THE ROMANTIC

6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions.

They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously.

6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot. Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn.

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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