In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: I wanna know what love is-Foreigner

Hello d-land folks. =D Ughh..I have the hugest headache ever in this moment..and no, no major drama happening here yet..I feel like my headache is spreading in all parts of my head..it's hot in here..I just feel miserable. Frustratingly miserable. My head is POUNDING. *sigh*

It's been a borrinnggg day for the most part, really. Mom was out with my cousin ALL day..she just got back an hour ago..they went all over the place. I'm glad they had a good time. I think next time my mom and my cousin go out for bkfast I'll have to go. I feel guilty..I always bail out on my cousin. She's family and I shouldn't be doing that to her, plus I now know that she always asks for me..I don't want to disappoint her anymore. Heck, I just hate letting ANYONE down.

Mom had lots of fun at the bowling league last night, meeting people. You know..I should join something..just to make new friends at nights or something like that. Ever since I graduated, I haven't seen ANY of my friends from school. It's sad really. :( It seems like the only friends I have now, are you guys. Then again, you guys are better friends than some of my 'real life' ones are. hmph. So yes, I love you guys..to the fullest!!

I took a shower this morning, that was nice..I needed one..shaved too..watched The Gauntlet special on MTV..looks interesting. One thing that shocked me..I heard that Dave and Cara got together after Road Rules!! They LIVE together..wtf?! Who would have thought? They seem like the 'odd couple' to me..but I guess to them they aren't so complicating. Oh, of course I missed Real World..well on my own accord..I was DRAINED just totally drained from the wonderful events of yesterday (yes, that's sarcasm) that I just needed to go to bed. I saw a bit of Gilmore Girls..kind of booring..oh well.

So, I've just been chilling really. I have some things on my mind..me and Nate got into a fight. I'm not sure if you'd even consider it that. I know things will go back to normal soon but I hate when there's conflict..I know there is in EVERY relationship, but I want it all resolved ASAP..it just affects me physically, emotionally..takes a huge toll. Ugh. Blah. Hopefully tomorrow's better for us.

You know..I help people out, or try to but I never try to help MYSELF out..maybe I should start doing that sometime soon. I just feel totally annoyed at things right now, how my life is going..but I know that's my fault and I have the power to change it..no one does but me. I sometimes look at the actions of someone and say "how can they do that?" when, I inversely end up doing the same thing myself..lol.

It's really..hard to love someone. Love doesn't come with guarantees, and it's never easy..and it's particularly hard because it has so many insecurities attached to it. Two people..two imperfect people come together and have issues to deal with, that's inevitable..they have to adapt to each other's personalities, accept the other for how they are..and it's liberating to feel accepted and I guess why I love 'love' so much is because I feel accepted in my relationship..I've never felt that acceptance outside of it..I always felt left out..this feeling like I'm an outsider, so I stayed on the outside..I'm not looking in anymore with my relationship, I AM accepted.

With love comes CONSTANT work..working at it..all the ups and downs..the struggles..the triumphs..all of it. It's not easy, but that doesn't mean you should bail out or throw in the towel or not even want to fall in love. There's always a risk..life is a risk..but we all need the experiences under our belts..and if you let it, love can be the best experience ever..sure there's sorrow, but there's also laughter and smiles and extreme, blinding happiness..and I say blinding cos love is blind. With love comes reassurance, EVEN if you feel like you can trust the person with your life..you still need to feel reassurance. Don't get me wrong though..without trust you have nothing.

But if you TRULY love someone then you don't have eyes for anyone else, you don't give into temptation..you don't cheat..you stay faithful because they should be who you want to be with, so you're not looking for anyone else. If you love someone, you stay true to them. It's as simple as that. Sure, in the past I didn't follow that..heh..obviously I wasn't truly in love..now..it's so different..now only ONE person is on my mind, in my heart and i'd NEVER, EVER do something stupid to fuck up what we have..EVER. I don't want to be with anyone else, and I never will want to be. Period. When you're committed, that's how it is. I chose you, because I want to spend my life with you, and NO ONE else..don't forget that.

Well enough of this rant..I really, really need to lie down and take something..and it's so hot in here like I said..I can't think straight. I gotta eat too. I hope this frustration lessens. Ooh delilah's on..this should put me in a better mood. Here's a song..inspirational..you've all heard it..it's country, though I don't like country the song is great...

"I hope you dance"-Leann Womack..I hope you all 'DANCE'!

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that youll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin might mean takin chances but theyre worth takin

Lovin might be a mistake but its worth makin

Dont let some hell bent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to sellin out reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit out or dance

I hope you danceI hope you dance

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)

I hope you danceI hope you dance

(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that youll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit out ot dance

I hope you danceI hope you dance

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)

I hope you danceI hope you dance

(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder, where those years have gone)

Have a great night ya'll.

"This mountain I must climb, feels like the world upon my shoulder..through the clouds I see love shine..it keeps me warm as life grows colder.."

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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