In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: So far away by Staind

Hey hey! It's my Birrtthhhdaaayyy! I am 18 today!!! WOO HA! lol. I don't FEEL any different though..not more grown up or anything. Maybe cos my b-day is not technically till 12:30 this afternoon? heh heh. Happy birthday to me..I'm a dork! :�

Yesterday sucked so bad. I had high expectations of it but it did not meet up at all. It was soo fucking boring. :( I was just lonely as hell, and yeah kind of depressed..and just I felt really empty and 'blah-like'. I hope today is much better. Well one reason why I felt that way..I was just reflecting on my life..on the past 17 years. It's not good for me to reflect, but I reflect every birthday. Not good. I just analyze everything to the point of no return. I just have sometimes felt like I am not good enough..dumb I know. I just wanted to be loved the way I am..the good AND bad in me. Because we all have a dark side.

I was looking at this book like thing that I made in 11th grade and I had to fill it with pics of important people to me and bands I like and poems I like..just all about me really and I realized a lot of people aren't in my life anymore. I was also looking at old b-day cards and I got kind of sad, life was so much better years ago. I guess that's life though..people come and go..they teach you a lesson, fulfill their purpose in your life and leave..most of them. Some..the very important, and pivotal ones stick around for the long run.

Well..since I am an adult I can now call phone operators and order my ass off! lol riiight. I can vote, I can buy a lotto ticket..I am no longer jailbait..heh heh. What else..yeah, I can do all the adult stuff. haha. I don't want to go through a huge list. I AM LEGAL!!! YEAH!

My mom picked some sort of fight with me..*rolls eyes* I don't know WHY but she already told me she was getting me a card and money because she doesn't know my taste and she didn't have time to go out and buy me anything, so this way I can get what I want. I'm STILL not sure where to go to dinner tonight. I'm not really in a celebrate-y kind of mood..maybe that will change later. I'm just not ready for adulthood..argh. Getting older sucks some ass. "I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid!" lol. Dammit..if it was up to me, I'd be a kid forever.

I'm just so blah about turning 18..I don't know. The way I deal with stuff is hardly of the adult fashion. i'm just always going to be me..ok so I'm turning a year older but inside, I'm the same Stacey I've always been. I've just been hanging onto my childhood for as long as I could, now I have to let it go and deal with responsibilities..yeah, in other words face reality and do things other 18 year olds are doing. You know..I've realized the difference between happy/un happy people..unhappy people let everything get to them and wallow in self-pity and sadness and frustration and destruction and focus on problems too much. HAPPY people on the other hand know they have problems, are probably in the cloud 9 area, but probably either choose not to deal with their problems, by sweeping them under the rug or they realize that the hard times only make them better. I would much rather be of the latter. But I think the unhappiness and happiness share a lot of qualities..if that makes sense? Because unhappy people also don't want to face reality. I just wish certain things would go away..but they won't by me wishing. I need to just DEAL with things in life.

Anyway, after dinner my mom's getting me an ice cream cake. I am getting my grandpa's check cashed today. Daamnn I am listening to the radio and a LOT of people share my birthday. I just hope this isn't a sucky b-day..that people remember and acknowledge it. It's not going to make me feel good if a lot of people forget, of course. My aunt said she'll bring me back something from NY for my b-day. I think another reason why I don't feel like me..Nate's not here for my b-day. :( I missed him more than anything yesterday..it was just particularly bad. The loneliness got to me like crazy. All I can do is know that we'll be together next year and I know i'm in his thoughts and heart. We talked on the phone last night, I was just glad to hear his voice as I always am.

I'm going to talk to Nate this morning..then I don't know what's goin on. I know my mom can't be out a hell of a lot cos of her face. It's supposed to rain..what else is new? haha

Well, time to go now! I need to edit my profile on here and other places. Have a great day ya'll..hopefully I'll have a good b-day. :/ Bye bye! Thanks Der Der for the shoutout!!

"Go, go, go, go Go, go, go shawty It's your birthday We gon' party like it's yo birthday We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday!"

"Love doesn't need a quote or a saying. If you love someone enough there aren't any words to describe it or explain it, you just know... in the depths of your soul."

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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