In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Hands by Jewel

Hey hey!! Wow..these past two days have been completely crazy!! Here's a recap of yesterday and today for ya'll...

So, after I updated in the morning of COURSE my mom did bother me to go online. I started eating breakfast until I heard my dad ask if anyone wanted Dunkin Donuts coffee because our coffee maker is broken, so my mom said she'd have to drink the decaf coffee. My dad said he'd need a hand cos he'll spill the three coffees and asked me if I can go with him to help him so I said ok and just put on a bra and shorts real fast..I felt SUPER self conscious however because my hair was a mess and in my face, and I wasn't wearing make up...lol.

We get there and of course, it's being renovated so we headed over to McDonalds. I wanted to go through the drive through so no one would see me, but of course we went in and I became more insecure cos I thought I saw people smiling at me..lol. Anyway, we got the coffee and my dad told me which was hers but when we got home he gave her the wrong one, and I realized it and she starts freaking of course saying she won't drink anything caffinated..ugh..so I told her that coffee was hers.

Anyway, after that my dad said he wanted to go bowling so I chilled for a bit, got ready, and brought my socks with me. We went to Nathans to have lunch then headed over to the Bowling alley after nearly getting lost. I told my dad I was pissed at my mom for the other day and he also put in his two cents about her of course and other things he's depressed about..lol.

So we got there, got our shoes and stuff. Of course, there was a problem with the balls not coming back to us so we had to tell the guy. We played two games. Of course, I am as bad at bowling as I've always been..lol. I'm terrible with sports and agility and stuff. One game I got a 76, and the other an 80..ouch! But I think that's the best I've ever done..lol. My dad got an 88 and a 104..not too bad. Bowling was expensive though!! I need to go more though..some more practice wouldn't hurt.

After that he asked if I wanted to go to the pool but it was too hot so we decided to go to this HUGE ass mall an hour away and take the turnpike there. So on the way there I TRIED to avoid convo with him but it didn't work. He brought up Orlando again and asked if I wanted to go, so I said Ok though my mom said she's not going with us. So, we decided that we are going to Orlando on Monday of next week and coming back Tuesday evening..so yep, staying overnight. We are going to two of the four theme parks but I don't know which two are best. Does anyone know that's been to Disney World? Any advice? We are going to one theme park Monday, and another one on Tuesday.

He also told me he wants to go early next week because someone is coming to clean the carpets in the rooms, especially my carpet since it's gross and he doesn't know when this guy is coming. Then after we come back, I'll see Denise and Chris. Oh yeah..I'm not going to tell him about Nate till after we get back since I don't want it to ruin Orlando.

Basically he was just talking a bit about my mom, about me of course lol, about my aunt, about his past as a kid, about how he thinks of himself. Oddly enough, the way I see him and the way he sees himself are two totally different things. He thinks he's an easy going person who hardly ever gets mad or loses his temper. I see him as a tyrant who is constantly being quick tempered. So I kind of laughed to myself.

Anyway, we got there and the drive was nice and peaceful just looking at the scenery and it was CROWDED. My dad returned some shoes and we walked a LOT. From bowling and walking around that mall, my legs were SO fricking tired by the end of the day. Anyway, I looked for some shoes because I need sneakers but I couldn't find anything. He found a pair of shoes that he liked. Ugh..my dad told me some chicks were checking me out..wtf?! lol He asked why girls check other girls out and I said I had no idea. After talking to him a bit I can see why he'd be frustrated sometimes since my mom doesn't work and she's such a bitch sometimes. Then again obviously he's no peach either. I think like I said, he's sucking up to me for a reason. I know it's not genuine. Sometimes it seems like he tries to get to know me, at other times it just seems like he can careless. Who knows..but with him nothing comes from the heart. So we decided to go back cos it was getting late.

Coming back we kind of got lost, but found our way and then on the way back he asked me if I wanted to go to DSW Shoe warehouse to look for shoes some more so I said Ok and found a pair of Pumas that I like. They are silver..sort of plain and I REALLY wanted Adidas but I was kind of yearning for something different.

He bought them for me and said my mom would NEVER have lol so we hid them in his car...lol. I think it was out of guilt but whatever I got some PUMAS! lol. Anyway, I came home and me and my mom STILL weren't talking. Oh yeah..so I asked my dad how come when my mom was yelling at everyone when she left that he didn't react so he said he couldn't really hear her...riight. He said I should apologize..I didn't even do anything! She was the one that cussed me out. He said he can see my point, yet she's so good to me so I shouldn't hold a grudge. I said I am sick of always being the one to step up and say sorry and this was all her fault. Hell the way her life is is her fault, she has no one to blame but herself because she CHOSE this life for herself, but it's never to late to create a better life for yourself. YOU control your destiny.

Anyway, so I relaxed and came online and wrote some people. Then we had dinner and course my mom was still irritable because her acne is getting worse. Oh god..then she bitched about the light..whatever. So I ate, did the dishes, and then watched some TV. The Teen Choice awards were on so I watched that. The Donnas performance was AWESOME!! Then when it ended I called Nate who of course made me smile and laugh like always and brings sunshine to my darkest days. I had to go after two hours cos I was anticipating a long day today..Anyway..I decided to come online a little later than usual which was a good idea because I got to sleep in a bit..so I came on around 7, and ate early and got ready.

My mom at first said she wouldn't go with us to Lion Country Sifari today because of the sunlight and driving around in the sun and stuff but she changed her mind and brought along sunblock. So we got there, thought we were lost but it turns out it was just REALLY far from the exit. What a nifty place!! Basically, they give you a tape when you get in there and you drive through this trail with all these animals on the grass and you get to see them and hear about them on the tape as you drive by each one. Of course, you have to lock your doors and close your windows so the animals don't ruin your car or whatever and just for your own safety and you have to drive slow.

It was AMAZING. I LOVE nature. I should go out in it more often. The animals were gorgeous. They had all kind of animals there..Giraffes, Zebras, Chimps, Deer, Rhinos, Elephants, Rams, Goats, Ostrichs, Turtles, Lions (of course), and SOOOO many more..So many animals!! It was 50 bucks but so worth it. I kept saying "AWWW" as we'd drive by an animal. They are so precious. The area they were in was just beautiful. You know..just seeing all that made me forget I was even mad at my mom because before we knew it, we were laughing and joking around and all looking at the animals. It felt ALMOST like we were an actual family!!! lol Creepy..but I knew that feeling wouldn't last. It's odd how animals can briefly bring people together. Too bad my mom forgot her camera. :(

After that was over, we had some lunch. I had pizza..yum! We went to the giftshop. Then we walked around and looked at some of the animals at the actual zoo over there. They had waterfalls, nice trees, everything and a nature walk but we didn't go on it cos my mom had to go seeing as how she was getting too much sun. I got me starburst though..Woo hoo! So after walking around and looking at the animals we left. We decided to go to the nearby mall just to walk around a bit but again my mom felt self conscious cos of her face, the heat, and she got tired, so we left.

And now here I am. :) It's been an ok past few days though my mom is being kind of un friendly to me again. Oh well..whatever. I have to get my shoes from my dad's closet later on. I am going to try to sneak them past her..lol. What I've found out about myself is I'm more easygoing than I thought, that I now see myself wanting to try new things because that was our first time at Lion Country Sifari and next week will be my first time in Orlando.

I also see that I am more insecure than I thought. Not so much today, but yesterday I didn't even really make direct eye contact with anyone. I'm just afraid when people look at me all they see is my flaws and they are just tearing me apart..I know it's not like that but I can't help it. :( I cross my arms in front of me a lot, I guess to keep my distance..it's terrible. I need to break out of that and soon!!!

Tomorrow my mom made the brilliant suggestion that me and my dad go to the beach since the weather today was nice, the weather tomorrow might be. GRR..so my dad said "maybe"..Noooo! It's bad enough I have to spend all day monday and part of tuesday alone with him. :( I just really want to go to Orlando so much...just to have a new experience. I am so glad we went to that Safari today. It was a great place. I am SUCH an animal lover. :) Regardless of whether things get worse around here or not, I think I'm starting to find my peace of mind. I realize that people who live together will butt heads and I know once I'm out of here, they both will regret any bad thing they've ever said or done..and it will hit them that I won't need them and oh well. I'm going to be fine and survive it all like always. :)

Well I've made this long enough. I need to go put on some cream for these hives which are getting worse. I think they are from anxiety. :/ and I'm just going to play some music and relax. I'm tired as hell! I hope ya'll have an awesome Friday and weekend and I'll be back tomorrow!! Take care guys and thanks to some of you for your support, and just for being there for me. XOXO <3 STACE

Nate ...I can't wait to talk to you tomorrow and hear all about today. It was so nice hearing your voice last night on the other end of the line. It filled me with so much peace, and hope and of course you're always there for me and I'm so lucky to have you in my life as a best friend and lover. You're the most special person in my life and I'll love you forever. (K)

PS: Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor of Cali? What has this world come to? lol j/k..he'd prolly make a good governor. :) Anyone's better than the one they have now.

FIGHT ME....

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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