In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Celebration by Kool and the Gang

Heyyy guys!! Yep, I am back! Did anyone miss me? Best say yes! lol. I know I was only gone for a day, but still..haha.

Friday was a good, relaxing, nice day. Me and Nate literally talked ALL day!! A lot online, and a couple of hours on the phone. I caught up on the shows I missed..The Wade Robson Project but I was wondering who David is, that is till I found out he's a wild card. I really hope either Tyler or Twitch wins, but I'll find out tomorrow.

I caught up on Real World too, and semi on The Gauntlet, and Newlyweds. Aww and I JUST found out that The Wonder Years is on at 12:30 everyday. =D That show ROCKS. I watched Reba..funny as always, and I am now starting to get into "Like Family." Very cool show. =D And that was really it for Friday. It was SO nice to talk to my bunny for most of the day. It makes me so happy when I talk to him, it truly does.

Yesterday..drama! ha. I thought this would be a great weekend and I'd just be thrilled that my dad is gone..WRONG. So, I woke up yesterday..REALLY, REALLY tired because I went to bed at midnight, between that and my mom's general attitude, it wasn't the best day.

We left around 11 to go to the airport and of course he had something to bitch about cos my mom's car is cluttered. *rolls eyes* We got to the airport, sent him off..he gave me a peck on the cheek of a goodbye, same with my mom..lol. We were just overjoyed to see him gone, and even blasted the radio somewhat, but then she just started going OFF about him..venting, and venting, and some more venting. I told her to just take advantage of the fact that he's away and just enjoy being apart from him..but she just will NOT stop bitching.

After the airport, we went out to lunch..then we came home for a bit, I checked my e-mail and such and so did she. But, when we got home we saw a moving truck..yep, someone moved into the house down the street where people just moved out. GOD, that was QUICK!! I hope they are nice people. They aren't our next door neighbors though..they are our next door neighbors, next door neighbors..yeah, I hope you catch my drift..lol. :)

So, then my mom decided she wanted to go to the mall to get some rings, so therefore we left. It was really nice out, however the mood wasn't nice. She started being real bitchy to me, for what reason I have no idea and our time on the mall wasn't all that great. Eck, I saw people staring at us..I don't know why, and it made me insecure. As I've said before, I don't like being stared at..it makes me wonder if I have something on my face, or what not..lol.

We did go into this store though that had halloween masks and stuff..some of them were SO creepy, and others were just HILARIOUS. We also went into the CD store..yikes..I thought 14 dollars was bad, but I saw 3 Doors Down's new one for TWENTY which is outrageous. After a while, we left and came home once again. She said she wanted to go out to dinner but she gave me an attitude because she was online talking to some guy, and I wanted to go online to see if Nate would be on because I didn't think we'd get to talk.

So, I saw Nate's e-mail and we talked for a while, and like I said..she wasn't too good about it. We were watching The Yankees game..major drama there!! That's what happens when you have The Yanks going up against The Red Soxs. So after a while, me and Nate had to leave. :( I was SO sad to leave him but he had to go to the fair and I had to go out to dinner. =( Dinner in itself was pretty good..I confided in my mom, I told her a lot of stuff I've NEVER mentioned to anyone..even to NATE! And she listened, and was cool about it though later on I regreted even telling her anything. It was basically about my reason behind why I am the way I am, about what happened between me and Michelle. And I wrote an entry about what happened between me and Michelle, but I never went into full detail explaining just HOW it affected me, and still does even now. It made me into the person I am today.

Maybe I will someday, maybe I won't. I don't know because I am not sure if it's something I want to get out on here. I told Nate I'd tell him someday but I am not sure that I want the world to know. But besides that, we also talked about me getting a job. She asked me if one of the reasons of why I don't have one yet is because I feel like I can't handle it and won't know what to do and I didn't say anything at first, but just smiled and told her she was right. So she said I did very well in school, and I have a good head on my shoulders so I should do very well on the job too.

Of course, she had to put her two cents in about my dad again..ok..so here's what's happening..she wasn't sure if she should call my dad to find out if he got to NY ok, she just really didn't want to YET she didn't want to look like the 'bad guy' and not call. So she did, THREE times but no one answered. She doesn't get why he can't call here to let us know he got there. Yet, she claims she doesn't care. I think she was giving me a hard time cos she's just so frustrated and lonely. Hell, I'm lonely too..I'm just lucky to be in love and to find someone so AMAZING that I can call mine.

But anyway, she's also pissed at him because he hid a bill from her..a bill that is due in THREE days, so obviously she's going to have to pay a late fee. Then she was talking about his lack of helping out around the house and lalallaa. Eck. ALL day I kept thinking of Nate, and wanting to cry. EVERYTHING reminds me of him. We passed by the ring place that me and him went to to get my ring size, and I thought about him..and we even passed by it AGAIN last night..but I'll get to that. We passed by the movie theater me and Nate went to, hell even the airport reminds me of him..like I said EVERYTHING does..lol. I am just reminded constantly of how much I miss him, how much I NEED him here. I've NEVER missed someone so much in my LIFE and as I told him I know this is real, true love because I've been in MANY long distance relationships in the past, yet I lived my life just fine and without him, here by my side..I can't live..I don't want to live. I just cannot live without him and when we are together for the rest of my life, THEN my life will be complete. I love him..more than i've loved anyone..he's my best friend, my all in this universe..he just makes my world so much better. And I KNOW he is worth waiting for.

Anyway, after dinner we were on our way home and I commented that I wanted to go out and not go home. This lead into the whole 'I am a computer nerd' crapola..meaning, I need friends here too. *rolls eyes* I HAD friends here, but they left me to go to college or whatever else they're doing. She said I should be out enjoying my life and blah blah. I know she's trying to take Nate away from me, I see it more and more everyday but it's NEVER going to work. She says I am never going to see Nate again...RIGHT..lol, little does she know that we're going to be together again in December, and of course forever. She thinks I am making a mistake..god, woman..I KNOW what I am doing..and I've searched enough to find that Nate is the ONE for me. Bam. That's all there is to it. I just kept silent but finally just told her to shut up. She knows she's screwing her own life up though by staying in an unhappy marriage when there's guys out there that can make her happy..that want to make her happy. Oh and the reason why I said she threw what I said in my face was cos she said I talk about people's issues, yet I have issues of my own and she said SHE'S not going to confide in ME anymore cos I told her she has issues too. *rolls eyes*.

Anyway, so we didn't talk cos I told her to just leave me alone..so I went upstairs to watch TV, she came in here but then after a while felt guilty that I was upstairs, bored so we went out for a drive. The drive was quiet, but ok. What REALLY freaked me out was when we went to 711. When we walked out of the store, a black guy walked up to me..now..it looked like a cigarette in his hand, and I saw him hand me something so I was about to say "No thanks, I don't smoke." I was SO scared, my heart was thumping out of my chest but as I looked closer, I realized he was holding a small piece of paper in his hand. So I calmly just walked away and into the car and told my mom.."Let's go..QUICK!" lol. My heart is STILL racing a bit..haha.

We drove around the beach, a bit. The full moon was out of course..it was so beautiful and captivating how the moon would sometimes hide behind some clouds, and other times be in plain view. I found it completely intriguing. I love the night's sky..the stars, the moon..the sunset..all of that. It was raining on the way home, couples were out though, holding hands..walking close and god, it just made me long for Nate to be here even more. I know he feels the same. *sighs*

We came home, and then I went to bed because I was SO tired from the loooong day out. I couldn't wait for the day to end though..ugh. BUT I had bad dreams..BLEH to bad dreams! I felt bad though, I was moody to Nate due to my mom's overall attitude and my tiredness and stuff. So, this morning she told me she's not going to call my dad..and he can "fuck off." She thinks it's sad that no one cares for each other around here, I think so too but I told her to just take her mind off my dad and just enjoy the fact that he's not here for a few days. But anyway, I can care less what my mom thinks about me and Nate..it's my life, I'm going to live it the way I want to, and the way I want to live it is with Nate, always.

I got to talk to him this morning. :) He made me get the fuzzies and just smile as he always does. HOPEFULLY we'll talk later but I don't know because my aunt's husband left and my aunt wants to go out with her. I am HOPING that she doesn't want me to go too. :( I'll try my best to stay here. I just hate it here, it's like a hell I can't escape, it's making me MISERABLE, it's hell being apart from Nate but I know we have so much to look forward to in our future. Anyway, besides that..I wrote you guys back and now I have to get going cos my hands HURT from typing.

I hope you guys have a better weekend than I've been having. I am just trying to just be happy, and thankful that my dad is far away right now and hopefully today will be drama free. I hope my mom behaves herself. Well, I'm going..I love all of you..new friends, and old. Take care!! *hugs and kisses* I'll be back tomorrow probably.

~Stace

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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