In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Song: Tiny dancer by Elton John/ Precious and few by Climax

Hey! Wow..yesterday was interesting. Not really in a good way however. I don't know why..I am just in a deep/reflective/analytical mode right now..contemplating and pondering life and what it's all about.

I know I've talked about this before..but obviously, we all have problems. We just all choose to deal with them in different ways. Some ways are worse than other ways. Like I said, I choose to run away and not confront or face what's bothering me. Others just mask their problems by pretending they don't HAVE any. Either way, you're not being true to yourself and your feelings. I think if we faced our problems head on, and conquered things we'd be a lot stronger, quicker.

Making indentations in your skin is not going to make your problems easier to deal with..if anything..it's going to create MORE problems in the long-run. Destroying and punishing yourself for your feelings is not the solution. We need to own up to our feelings. I think our greatest enemy is ourselves because we CHOOSE the way we handle situations.

We are so quick to want to seek revenge on someone close to us, because they hurt us. But from hurt you become wiser, and you can always rise above it. It teaches you something. Life is just a huge learning lesson. I believe we waste so much time on being jealous of people as well, when the whole time we should just appreciate what we have and realize we are US and nothing more and will never be like them. And if we want something..we need to go out there and get it! The best things in life are the things you need to struggle, or work at to obtain. "If live hands you lemons..made lemonade.." You just never know what tomorrow might bring.

We let our insecurities take over and we just play such insane, wacked out mind games on ourselves. We are afraid to get too close to someone, for fear we will lose them..well duh..everyone dies..but it's the experience that counts. The time taken where you got to know that person and be a part of their life, even for a short time. Your past doesn't dictate your future, only if you let it. If you live in the past, you're missing out on your precious future. If you don't wait life out, and see what surprises are in store for you, you'll never fully know what could have happened if you hung in there.

To get to the good however, you need to go through the bad times. We all have our ups and downs, and at times it seems hard but we can't be a coward to life..we can't just take the easy way out. Life was not meant to be easy..if it was it wouldn't be called "life."

I am going through crap of my own. Yes, at times I do hide myself and pretend if I don't deal with crap it will just go away..tis not the case unfortunately. It's hard to face ourselves..but we need to..so we'll be the best person possible. We all have our demons..but we can't let our demons lead the way and make bad choices for us. Emotional scars are the toughest kind, I know, because I have many, but until we walk those miles..we won't be strong inside and be able to handle stuff that comes our way.

I think we just need to release ourselves from these chains we create, this bondage, and break free..that's the only way to enjoy life. We all need an escape, an outlet..but choose your outlets wisely. Don't throw your life away because you're hurting..take that hurt and turn it into something useful. You're not going to hurt forever..life is just a huge rollercoaster ride, we just need to hold on tight. WE create our destiny...we need to learn how to create a great life for ourselves. We all just need to stop giving up so easily and just tough it out. Darkness will bring forth a powerful and shining light at the end.

On a whole other topic..I don't know why people throw themselves deep into what they look like. Who the heck cares! You can only look at someone for so long until you wait for them to say something smart. I think, it's all about strength of character..intelligence..what you give back to the world. The best kind of people are the strong people who have been through a lot and can teach you, that have a heart of gold and don't just look out for themselves. The size of our hearts and what we know and have learned and acquired are the most important things. Stop focusing on how 'hot' someone is and like them for who they are--on the inside. Hotness is just superficial and shallow. There's so much more to life than that. Don't focus so much energy into that stuff and how others perceive you. In the end, what you think of yourself is what matters.

As far as what's going on with me..I do feel stuck here for now. I feel like I'm imprisoned. I know I won't be forever however. And I, just like the rest of you have a beautiful life ahead of me full of wonderful things to look forward to. Being without Nate, and stuck here are just minor setbacks. I know I have my whole life to be with Nate and to grow with him, and share, and become even closer as a couple. I'm just so thankful for him in my life. I need him..he GIVES me something to look forward to. He is my life, what I live for. He understands me and knows me better than anyone. The connection we share, the depth is just unbelievable. I could never do anything stupid, because I'd never want him to lose me. And just know honey..again..I'm never going to leave you behind. I am fiercely loyal--I stick by people I love for the long run. I'll always be around, forever. (K)

My dad is just STILL thinking he can run my life. I'M in control of my life, i'm in the driver's seat. I can make my own decisions..about a life partner, etc. I'm not too young for a serious relationship. You're as young as you feel..I don't feel 18, for sure. I feel like I'm older, and wise and I know what I'm talking about. I have a really old soul actually. I probably think more than most people..lol. Speaking of control..I just wish people would stop trying to control other things cos they can't control their emotions. You CAN'T control a person..trust me..it will NEVER work out and they will end up resenting you. People just need to stop being control freaks.

Anyway, I just know what's best for my life. I've made good choices so far, I'm not stuck in a fog..I know what I am doing, and so far I know I've done all the right things. I am capable of many great things..and picking out a lover is one of them. I know I did a good job this time. :) I just wish more faith was placed in me sometimes. Oh well..I guess it's most important that I believe in myself. I just wish my grandpa wasn't so nosy. Yeah, I called him yesterday..of course he asked about my love life which I had to deny or the news would spread like wildfire that little Stacey has grown up and found herself a man..lol.

Well anyway, my job hunt will have to begin soon cos my dad is on my ass about it as usual. *rolls eyes* Since WHEN did he care that I'm in love OR if I get a job or not. He's so fucking idiotic..he did something so stupid yesterday, I don't want to say it here..lol. Why is my love life, or my personal life at the fore-front of everything? God,..leave me alone..give it a rest! Sheesh!

Besides that..talking to Nate as much as I got to was wonderful as usual. He makes me feel so good inside..not empty and shitty like my dad does. He loves me..and there's nothing better I can ask for then that. He loves me despite my flaws, and it's just a beautiful thing all the time.

I just want to run away and be with Nate, where I'll feel warm, and safe, and protected but like I said, we have our whole lives together. Right now, I need to deal with me and issues going on around me, before we live together.

Besides that stuff, not much happened yesterday. I just chilled, showered, shaved, watched a movie on TV, watched TV, thought, played some music, and stuff such as that. Oh yeah, my uncle DIDN'T forget my b-day..wow..I'm shocked. Thank you all who wished me a happy b-day yesterday..though it was late, it was still VERY much appreciated.

Well, I'm gonna go get dressed right now. I'll be ok, I think in time. You know the drill..I'm talking to my bunny soon! =D Take care ya'll..have a great day. I just hope I helped even one of you in some small way, that's my deepest wish. God bless! XoXO

Ps: Nope, I never received the e-cards honey..K, I didn't get yours either yet. :( Argh!

"Make it a habit to give - whether yourself, your time, a word of your encouragement, or a listening ear - and you�ll find peace and happiness that can�t be beat."

You will be reincarnated as a Tree: You were meant
to be here longer than your time as a human.
Stubborn, wise and strong, you are The Ancient
One.

What will you be reincarnated as?
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Song: Sunshine of my life by Stevie Wonder

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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