In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~Janos Arany~

Hey!! I'm still not getting much sleep, I'm still having the most insane dreams every single night. All I ask for is ONE night with good dreams and a good sleep! AAAARRGH! (And now Stacey is flying off the handle, officially!) lol.

This pattern is playing tricks on my mind! Grrr. Anyway, so yesterday was a really looong day. Not really a bad one, just a long one. I was having one of my 'insecure, jealous, no one loves me' nights last night. I hate when I'm like that!!! It annoys me like crazy. I know better but then my mind overanalyzes everything to bits. I guess that could be one of my New Year's resolutions...think more of myself, stop seeking approval so much, and stop overanalyzing. Wait, that's three resolutions. hehe. I don't know..I just felt really stupid last night when I was being that way. I KNOW Nate loves me..but it's tough in long distance relationships because you have no choice but to trust each other cos you don't know what that person is doing behind your back..so trust is vital. I do trust him..but i'm only human..we all get jealous sometimes. I know that i'm not worthless and that people do like me but I'm just so addicted to acceptance..it's scary, it's sickening and I can't stand it. It really wouldn't hurt me to try to make friends more I guess. I'm such a loner.

I sounded so bitter last night for some reason. I was just in an odd mood. I was tired from grocery shopping too, so that added into it. Yes, we FINALLY went food shopping. I can't complain about going hungry or feel like I'm poverty stricken anymore. :D We now have FOOD! AND I returned my library books yesterday..yay! I was sick of seeing them lying around. I looked for A walk to remember on E-bay yesterday and I realized that DUH I don't have a credit card or a checkbook so I can't buy anything through there. Oh well, I'll have to look in blockbuster.

My mom got her new radiator installed..he found out about it..kind of went crazy but he didn't react as badly as I suspected. He was kind of a grump all day though. But that's what I was expecting. Gosh, I hope he's working tonight. Speaking of that..I have to look through the paper today. I promised my mom, and myself that I'd look. I gotta start getting motivated, got to do it. Unfortunately, this job stuff and him going to school means we'll be talking less but we'll make time for each other. Yeah, I'm not worried about it. We'll be fine.

Nate ..got those pictures scanned so if you want to take a looksie..then get your ass over there whenever he puts them up. They are pretty recent, obviously. I think most of them turned out pretty well. We got to talk quite a bit yesterday. :) Cos something happened and he didn't make it to class..but in a way I'm grateful for that..lol. I really wanted to cuddle with him last night. =( I needed his touch so badly. V-day is going to be tough for us. Sure I have him but we won't be together in person on that day and that day will just remind me of that. *sighs*

I watched 7th Heaven and The Gauntlet last night..both were good. Tonight's real world night. =D Oh yeah, I listened to my CD's yesterday..all the new one's. Woo hoo..Maroon 5 kicks some ass!!! Well I had better get going now. I have two people to write. Have a good one, guys. Something tells me today will be long too. I hope I'm wrong.

Happy New Year!!! - 2005-01-01
new update @ LJ. - 2004-12-01
christmas card... - 2004-11-28
update on LJ - 2004-11-18
Happy Halloween!!!! - 2004-10-31

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